A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 16 and almost 17. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now. I want a baby and so does he... but his parents say and tell use that we cant do anything till were out of college and a lot older. WE are not allowed to do anything, we are not supposed to kiss. I wish that they were not so protective cause then we could do more... I feel untrusted.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 September 2010):
 I agree 100% with k_c100
I didn't have kids til I was 30. I have 2 college degrees, had a career, saw the world before I settled down and had kids... I'm still seeing the world ;)
What is the hurry? I think his parents are really smart. Watch the show 16 and pregnant.... Look at how difficult life is for teens with kids... IS that what you want? for you and your child?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): How can you expect them trust you when you have told them you want to have a baby?
No offence but if you're both looking to have a baby at your age then that shows you don't have the maturity required to be trusted by them. It shows that you have a romanticized idea of what it's like to raise children and have no idea what it's actually like. You have this rose tinted view of having a baby as some kind of ultimate love between you and your boyfriend and no sense of the practical implications of raising one and giving up your youth and life for 18 years to take care of one.
Most girls that have kids at your age whether planned or unplanned will tell you they wish they'd waited. Of course they will also tell you that they wouldn't give up their kid but if they could go back they'd have been more careful and waited to have children. Waited until they had reached adulthood, waited until they were settled, had a career and a long term stable ADULT relationship.
They would go back and enjoy being young instead of having to live off of nothing working dead end jobs because they had no career, missing out on all the fun things there are in life, like traveling the world, going to parties, the freedom that you gain when you go to college and finally get to live out of home for the first time. They couldn't do that, they had to live for their child and most of their money went on that child so they had to give all that up. Most had no choice as it was brought on them by accident or through a mistake.
Until you get this idea of having a kid out of your head then they're not going to trust you, because having a child at your age when have neither the finances nor the maturity necessary to provide for it is a very irresponsible act. Especially seeing as if you want to have any kind of life they'll have to both support you physically and financially in this.
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A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 Only when you have your own child and that grows up to your age will you fully understand the answer to your question.
They are protecting him because they dont want him to tie his life down before he has had a chance to fulful it.
Stopping you guys from kissing is a bit silly on the parents part. I guess they think it will lead to more.
As long as you and your boyfriend love each other then just enjoy what you have going now.
Your not going to like my opinion here but I would recommend holding off having a baby together until your both older and able to financially support a child and be so sure its what you both really and truly want.
If you are having sex then use condoms or some other method of contraception and just enjoy your time together.
Hope it works out for you both.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 September 2010):
 Well to be honest they are doing the right thing - they are stopping their son and you from making a huge mistake by having a baby. Teenagers often want a baby due to their hormones raging and think it is a great idea, I remember going through the same phase at about 16/17! And guess what - now I am 23 I realise it would have been the most ridiculous thing to do and I would have brought a child into the world when I could not look after it properly!
Here is what you need to think about before having a baby:
1. Are you in a stable, long term relationship where the chances are you will get married in the near future?
2. Do you own or rent a house big enough to have a child?
3. Do you have a good career with future prospects?
4. Does your partner have a good career where he can support you and the child?
5. Have you finished your education?
6. Do you have a car?
7. Do you have some savings ready to fork out the initial costs of having a child? Like buying all the things you need in preparation for a child?
8. Do you have a supportive family network around you?
9. Are you ready to give up going out with friends, having any money to buy clothes/make-up etc for yourself? All for the baby? You will have no time or money for yourself so you need to be ready to give up a lot for this child
Think about it this way - you want to give your child the best life you possibly can, but is this possible at your age? Or would you be able to provide more for your child, like educational toys, days out, more knowledge and wisdom, a better family environment, if you waited a few years?
The reason why most people wait until they are in their 20's to have kids is so they can finish their educations, get good jobs that pay well (children are SO expensive, they estimate it will cost over $100,000 until the child is 18), and more importantly - so that you are wise enough and knoweldgeable enough to raise a child well. When the child comes to you asking for help with its homework, or wants to know some deep question about life, normally you need a good amount of life experience behind you to really give your child the knowledge and values it needs to set them up in life. And if you have not lived, and all you have done is quit school to have a child, you are not going to be able to give it the rounded, knowledgeable childhood it needs to turn the child into a well-rounded adult.
Think about if you are in a position to give the child the best life possible, or if you need to get your life sorted first. There is never any harm in waiting, if you have a child at 23/25 you will still be a young mum but at least you will be in a better place in life to handle having a child.
Having a baby now will not make your life better - it will only make it worse. You will have no money, no friends, and no future. The baby wont show its love for you for a few years - at first it is just a pooping, eating and sleeping machine that is only interested in the people that feed it. Love is not enough for a child - it needs the support of 2 adults (mum and dad) who are mentally and emotionally ready for a child and the hardship it brings. You cannot give the child all it needs on love alone, a baby needs so much more.
I understand it is frustrating that his parents dont trust you both, but it seems you are giving them good reason not to trust you. If you are planning on throwing your lives away and ruining a poor child's life in the process too, then of course they are not going to trust you and will try and keep you away from having sex.
So what I suggest is that you forget this idea of a baby until you are at least 21 and married. Start proving to his parents that you CAN be trusted, and are not just a pair of teenagers that cannot think about anything apart from themselves. Sit down and talk to them, apologize for the baby idea and tell them you have realised it is not a good idea at your age. Tell them that you want to prove to them you can be trusted and you are able to make sensible decisions, instead of ones ruled by hormones. Then I'm sure given time, once they see you are not trying to sabotage your own lives, then they will ease up.
In order to be trusted, you need to earn their trust. So dont be sneaky, dont have unprotected sex, dont do anything behind their backs etc. I would say not kissing is a bit extreme, so maybe when you speak to them just say "look we realise that having a baby is a bad idea right now and we promise we will not pursue that idea any more, however we would like a small amount more freedom to be with each other and just be teenagers, so we think kissing is pretty reasonable and not unusual for teenage couples of our age". Hopefully if you talk to them in a mature, sensible manner then they will see that you are serious and you are not going to destroy their son's life, so they will allow you some more freedom.
But remember, his parents are only looking out for their son and they want what is best for them. Therefore they will probably blame you for leading their son astray, trying to ruin his life by making him have a child - so you are not going to be their favourite person right now. But if you try and earn their trust back, by being sensible and mature, and just being a teenage couple in love rather than trying to play grown ups, then I am sure things will get better.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (21 September 2010):
 I'm not surprised they are acting like that!
You say you want to have a baby with your boyfriend, how are they supposed to act..be happy for you?
Have you even considered what will happen when you have a baby?
No parents trust their hormonal teenagers. All teenagers want to do is break the rules..which is what you want to do. Parents know what's best for you even if you cant see it.
How long have your boyfriend and yourself been together for?
What are your plans in life?
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