A
female
age
30-35,
*oX15
writes:Why are guys such pigs?Ok, so I've recently started talking to a guy from high school. I've been out of high school for about four years, and it's nice to be able to reminisce with him. So we've been talking. And suddenly, he starts telling me how i beautiful i was in h.s, and how beautiful i am now, etc. He's flattering me daily. Telling me i'm so smart and beautiful and how he used to like me in h.s.I just laughed it off, saying thank you. Then he starts calling me "babe" and kind of hitting on me. I'm not sure if i lead him on. I just laughed it off. Apparently he got the idea that I was interested in him. Then he started saying that we should get together, that if i gave him 15 minutes, i would be "his." So i asked what that meant, and apparently he wants to get into bed.I don't do anything to provoke him. I may be a little on the flirty side, but it comes naturally. I don't give him any indication that I am interested in him other than talking to him. I didn't realize that meant, "sleep with me."I just don't understand guys. I'm just trying to be myself, and make friends, and i get harassed? What am i doing wrong to give guys this impression, because this isn't the first time this has happened.
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (16 March 2011):
 If you look around this site, you'll see that the nearly unanimous advice is that men MUST do all the chasing, be forward, make all the moves. Over and over, women are told that they should never pursue a guy even if they're interested, because "if the man is interested, he'll chase you." This guy is being forward because if he doesn't push things, he'll get nowhere.
As for the sudden turn toward sex, again that's what men more or less have to do. Men that work on building a friendship, a real, personal relationship instead of going straight for sex tend to fall into the Friend Zone and get told they waited too long and didn't build any tension early on. The men that GET sex are those that push for it early on and keep the girl thinking about it.
Sounds like this guy's just been listening to the 90% of advice that tells him this is how he has to act unless he wants to be alone. And while I wish I could disagree, I've spent the last ten years being the nice guy that built friendships and respect and didn't just try to get into pants, and I can tell you it gets a guy absolutely nowhere.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (16 March 2011):
"Why are guys such pigs?" The way you start writing your message show us how immature you are. The rest of the message just confirms that.
When a girl flirts with a guy is because she loves to feel the guy gets interested. You know you do it and then you complain because this guy wants to have sex with you?
Do yourself a favour and grow up. This is what happens when you seduce a guy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Agreed. Most girls call a guy a pig for doing PRECISELY the same things that would work on her if she was attracted to him.
If he starts going down that road and you don't put a stop to it early, then don't be surprised if he keeps going down that road until you do stop him.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (16 March 2011):
 It's not harassment, he's hitting on you. He's doing a crappy job of it, but still. Either tell him you're not interested and stop flirting, or you accept that you're signalling interest by flirting, laughing, and thanking him.
You said you're flirty, it comes naturally. A lot of girls seem to consider that "being themselves," and that's fine, that's great; but when a guy responds in kind, he's also being himself.
As for why guys are quick to assume a girl is interested - it's evolution. Guys stand to lose very little by assuming that a girl is interested when she's not (a little embarassment). Guys stand to lose a lot by assuming she's not interested when she is (lost opportunity for sex). Which attitude is more likely to be passed to the next generation?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): What makes this guy a pig? It sounds like he is just an idiot, an idiot for thinking that he’s got the cat (you) in the bag so easily.
Then there’s you: “I may be a little on the flirty side, but it comes naturally” If you want lead guys on then that’s how you do it. If you’re not interested in a guy you should know that flirting sends out the wrong signals.
“Why are guys such pigs?” you ask, well I can tell you now that this guys isn’t a pig, he’s just a fool. It seems that you have yet to meet a real pig, and when you do, then you’ll know what I mean…
What jmt says is right, you could’ve shut him down much earlier.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 You could have shut him down much earlier before it got to the point where you felt you were "harassed".
Excessive compliments, admitting he used to like you, calling you "babe", hitting on you... you just laughed it off or said thank you. Maybe you lead him on, maybe you didn't, but you certainly could have shut him down LONG before it got to the point where he thought you were keen.
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