A
female
age
36-40,
*aperChase
writes:Ok, I know this sounds strange as most guys do like curves, but I feel as though mine are just wasted and I might as well lose weight and become a stick insect! lol! I was basically talking to a guy friend of mine, and he said most douche bags go after chicks who have bigger asses in general, and good guys feel intimidated by the curves as they feel they are not worthy or good enough, is this somewhat true? And why? I'm sick and tired of attracting losers and want a nice guy to appreciate and approach me for once. I feel like people just judge me before even getting to know me, thinking I'm some kind of bimbo who's only good for a ƒuck and that's it. As far as I'm concerned the exterior is the icing on the cake, it's the interior that is most important right? I've been single for 4 years now, not because I'm not capable of attracting a man, but attracting the RIGHT one. So this is clearly out of choice, and I've gone passed the stage of going loony like a spaz from man withdrawal symptoms, I just feel numb and don't really care anymore. It just makes me question what is wrong with me you know? I wouldn't say I'm overly chubby or skinny, I'm a size 10, so I would say I look normal and healthy. I'm 22 and still a virgin.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (25 June 2011):
 Well I wouldn't say a size 10 is exactly curvy, all my size 10 friends are pretty slim! I would say I am a more typical 'curvy' female as I am a 12-14, I have 34E boobs, a 27 inch waist and 32 inch hips. I also run and I'm training for a half marathon so my shape is reasonably toned as well. I have always had rather odd experiences with men, and I can often see that a lot of guys are intimidated by me, I was even told this the other night.
And the reason why? Well there are 2.
1. The media. Young men (under the age of 30) have been brought up to find skinny models and actresses attractive. Take Megan fox, she is widely thought of as sexy but she is a tiny, surgically enhanced size zero. Whereas in the past, in the days of old Hollywood, women like marilyn Monroe were sexy. So young men today, when presented with the choice of going out with a skinny girl like they see in the media, or a woman with a feminine body shape - they will normally go for the girl who fits the social norm that the media would like us all to believe. Because it is easier to conform than break the mould.
2. Maturity. I get hit on SO often by older guys, because tastes change as men mature a bit. It sounds cheesy, but often young guys can't handle a real woman!
But it sounds to me like your problem isn't actually being curvy, at size 10 you are slim, plus you mentioned people judging you thinking you are a bimbo - are you blonde? Do you dress provocatively?
Not trying to say you are in any way - I'm just wondering why people are making these misconceptions about you. I only ask because despite my shape, I never have struggled to meet great guys since the age of 15. I am brunette, which sort of helps on being judged too harshly on your intelligence. Plus I wear clothes that suit my shape and are quite lady like and sophisticated, I would never been seen dead in a short skirt, denim shorts over tights, wearing leggings etc. Quite simply - if you dress like you have class and wear nice outfits that suit your shape then you normally attract a nice guy. If you wear a short skirt and low cut tops, you are of course going to attract the idiots.
First appearances count when someone first sees you, so it does make me wonder a little what you are wearing when you are meeting these jerks? There will be a reason why the nice guys will be staying away, and it won't be your curves!
Also - have you tried online dating? Yes appearances still count there too, but at least you can read the guy's profile and make a judgment on his personality before you waste any time talking to him. And it will mean you can communicate your personality at the same time as having your appearance judged.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): It's not so much about just round or skinny, it's about where you rank on the physical attractive scale as a whole.
Men who just wanna screw without commitment will shop a little (or sometimes a lot) below the level they could possibly reach. (It's SO MUCH EASIER than aiming as high as they possibly might reach.) Men who are looking for a GF know they are gonna be with her for a while and they will try for the hottest girl they can get.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): I have a similar body type as you do. One thing to consider is how do you dress that curvy body? Do you dress it to attract the kind of guy you want? I use to dress mine in a very revealing manner. I ended up fighting guys off on first dates. I didn't think this had much to do with it, but I watched something that told me that no good guy wants a "slutty" looking girlfriend. So I decided to change my mode of dress. I get more positive attention. More focused on me and no my "assets". Not saying this is your issue, but something to consider. It is hard to dress this body in a sexy manner and not look "slutty" because of our curves and our "assetts" seem to show all their glory. Then if you try to dress a little more conservatively then you look boxy or fat. But there are ways to do it. I found a store that has great retail clerks and they help me find the right clothing. Skinny girls get away with it much easier. Learn to love your body and respect it. And then again, it could be where you are meeting these guys. If you are meeting them in clubs or bars, then most of them are out for only one thing. maybe get involved in an activity or volunteer in something that interests you. Through this you will be using your time for you and you never know, you might meet someone who has similiar interests as you. As my much older, but happily married friend told me, you gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, airwaterearthfirebender  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 As far as I'm concerned you sound awesome...lol. You're like a yet to be discovered gem. Size 10, that's nothing. I know a size 10 or maybe a size up and she's awesome, she's also very tall. A same size shorter person would probably appear curvier.
You may want to frequent places where better guys may hang out, maybe like a bookstore, taking a course, a charitable organization, even networking, people always know other people...lol. No matter the case, you have shown great will power and perseverance thus far, don't give up. Think about where you have tended to meet prior douches and stay away from those locales. If finding a virgin is important to you, consider various religious groups that espouse that view. Whatever the case, I hope you never allow yourself to doubt yourself just because you are a virgin. On the contrary, I am very proud for you, and you should be proud of yourself. Don't buy the hype or any peer pressure or any douche who thinks you're going to give it up on the third date or some bs like that. Try to find a like minded dude, you may well appreciate one another much more.
While your bod may be rockin, that's not all guys look at. How do you treat people you are around? How do you dress, does it make you even more intimidating? Perhaps tone it down if that's the case. Get a 3rd party objective opinion. They are also looking at your face...do you wear too much makeup? Do you always hang around with a lot of guys? Maybe a lot of good guys figure you are taken and don't bother trying.
Finally, while you appear to be passively waiting for some guy to choose you, don't be afraid to make a move if you see something you like. To a confident man, you making a first move will not matter. On the same token, don't feel like it needs to escalate to sex before you are ready and preferably know any potential partner. Hey, in my view, I suggest at least a year before getting intimate and/or much longer depending on how frequently you see one another and whether or not you are able to truly know this person, what they represent, where he comes from, who is family is and what relationship he has with them, how he handles different stressful situations, the fate of any previous relationships, etc. etc. and so on. Best of luck, but I'm thinking you're not going to need it. Take care.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 I think that people just have their types that they are most attracted to.
There is nothing wrong with you! Enjoy your curves and be what is healthy and fit to you. If you are not sure about your weight, go to the Dr. and see if you are in a healthy range.
Never try to fit in any guys MOLD of what is most attractive to him. You are the one that has to live in that body and you want your future lover to accept you for who you are.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): It is time for you to take initiative and start asking out the kind of guy you want to date.
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