A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The other night my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and he brought up his size, which I said was perfect. He then asked how he fits in size wise with past boyfriends I have been with and if I had been with larger than him. Of course he couldn't accept that he was perfect in size and persisted wanting to know details until I finally told him one of my exes was very large both long and thick and that I hated having sex with him because it was too fat and would hurt when he went in too far. I told him the only time I was able to enjoy it was when I had a few drinksNow he seems all hurt and thinks I don't enjoy sex with him and now he tries extra hard to give me an orgasm. It's like he didn't even hear me when I said I didn't enjoy having a man with a large penis and prefer average.What can I do to help his ego and stop acting like a kid?
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insecure, my ex, orgasm Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Give him a slap in his face. Not literally, but something drastic to make him wake up and LISTEN. Use bad language and get pissed at him if you have to, to make him realize you are not just "trying to be nice" about his size or whatever.
A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (30 January 2010):
 It would be like him saying, my last girlfriend had bigger boobs...but yours are perfect. You would consentrate on the fact that hers were bigger, wouldn't you?
I try never to discuss size with men. They are insecure about it...and want to think theirs is the biggest and the best! Let him believe it! It will make sex all the better!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (30 January 2010):
 Well he is apparently insecure. I do not think it is your responsibility to repair that, but you might say that you would never want bigger again. Or perhaps give him oral and tell him that you wouldn't do that if he was bigger.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 Unfortunately there is a lot of social programming that leads young men to believe that big is better when it comes to penises. It is maybe a little more subtle than the message to young women that they had best have big boobs and slim waist but that's only because its not that easy to get a penis on a billboard. There are thousands of examples amongst which would be: the entire porn industry (if you want to see porn involving guys with regular sized dicks then you are pretty much restricted to Asian porn!); terms such as "well endowed" or "well hung" the implication being that if you are not then you are not-well endowed or somehow handicapped; then of course there are some girls who make an issue out of it, whether they really mean it or not it gives them some power ... one could go on and on. Although we are generally all clothed these days there is also some vestige of a animal dominance / display aspect to it like male deer with their antlers, certainly in a gym locker room it tends to be the guys with dicks that dangle half way down their thigh that throw their towels over their shoulder as they walk to the shower whereas those of us with smaller (but frankly more practical) equipment tend to wrap our towels around us.
I must have been nearly 30 by the time I truely believed in my heart that my average-sized penis was fit for purpose and that girls weren't just pretending to enjoy sex out of pity.
That said it's a stupid question for him to ask if he isn't ready for the answer.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Suppose there's a female celebrity that you happen to think is the most beautiful and sexy woman on earth. One day you mention your opinion about her to your BF, and then he replies, "Oh yeah, she's actually my ex-gf from right before I met you." Of course you get bothered by it. He starts telling you not to worry and that he doesn't think she was hotter than you.
His assurances don't make you feel much better, do they?
The point is that he has a different idea about what is most sexually desirable in a man's body than you do. This is what needs to change.
You will probably never convince him that "size doesn't matter". Because it does to some women. But you need to convince him that size matters to some women more than others and you aren't in the group of women that craves the largest penises.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Hi. I think its the same for guys as it is for girls when a bf says his ex had bigger boobs. They go into free fall for a while, thinking they will never match up and they can develope some real issues of jealousy and insecurity. It sounds silly but make up something to lessen his insecurity. Say the guy was usually impotent and you hardly ever did anything because you didnt like it or something. Anything! Just make him feel better fast or you will never hear the last of it. In future i would keep it under wraps that you had a well endowed ex as it will pretty much always upset an average guy x
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