| A
female
age
41-50,
*F06
writes: Why are girls who sleep around called sluts, but guys who sleep around called studs? And why do women enforce this stereotype?I mean when a woman sleeps around she is called a slut and looked down upon by men and women. Men love her because they can use her and women hate her for looking so cheap.But when men sleep around men look up to him for having so many ladies. And even more appalling women find him sexy too. I mean how common is it for girls, and not just trashy girls, but even good girls, date and get into relationships with bad boys or studs? Why do women do this to themselves? But why does society as a whole hold these stereotypes? Whats the difference between a man who sleeps around and a girl who sleeps around? Why does the stud deserve respect and the slut disrespect?
View related questions:
cheap Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Toothpick  +, writes (26 January 2011):
To the guys saying this is a matter of logistics/what is hard:Yeah, no. That would work if only men were called studs, and women not sluts. Slut is a derogatory term applied to someone who sleeps around a lot, and yes, men can be sluts. If you're saying something horrible about someone being able to easily do what you wish you could, that speaks of pettiness and jealousy, not to mention a total double standard. Plus, hey, if there are sooo many women out there just looking for someone "reasonably" attractive, yeah, it really shouldn't be that hard for a guy to go to a bar, act decent, and convince her to ask him home. I understand the frustration over the age-old enforced model which puts a lot of pressure on men to make all the moves in a relationship/dating/hook-up/whatever. But we are in an age where this is changing and more women are comfortable asking men out. Whining about how hard it is to be a guy, and using it as a defense to denigrate women just because you want some, is childish and unfair. You want to sleep around a lot. If that makes you a stud, then it should make women who want to sleep around a lot a stud, too. Or otherwise both sluts. Not all women want to sleep around, and not all guys do, so there shouldn't be this double standard. Further, it's not nearly as easy for girls as you'd like to believe, especially if they are looking for more than a one-night stand. As for why women think guys who sleep around are appealing, well, I think that has more to do with just why many women like bad boys at all: it's because they are confident. It's not so much that they are sleazy and couldn't give a crap about you in particular. It's that they exude confidence in who they are and what they're doing. And here's a huge hint for you mopey guys who bolster the slut stereotype: women LOVE confidence. Sure, some girls like to baby their boyfriends, but even so, it's very rare that someone wants to constantly give you pep-talks, and tell you it's okay, and you're so great. That's fine to do for friends or every once in a while for lovers, but doing that all the time is just exhausting. So just get some self-confidence, act decently and intelligently, and I think you'll find it's much easier to connect with women. But do bear in mind that not all women are looking for sex. And those who do, if that's what you're after too, well, don't call her a slut for doing what you are, unless you call yourself that.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): Harddoneby and IndigoMoods called it right. If a woman of average or better attractiveness wants to get laid all she has to do is go to a bar where there are a lot of men and then go home with the first reasonably attractive man who wants to get into her pants. For the average guy, it is a lot harder. He has to do the approaching most of the time and most guys don't know how to start the conversation or follow through. After a failed relationship, a guy might go months before he gets lucky, while a woman can have sex with someone new the next night if she wants.
A lot more women have lots of partners then the number of men who have lots of partners. For the sake of discussion, let's define lots as more than 10 sexual partners. 10% of guys have screwed dozens or hundreds of women. The rest of us have had 5 or less sexual partners. Now these 10% who have screwed dozens of women have to have women to screw. That is why 80% of women have had many more sexual partners than the 90% of guys who don't get laid a lot. So if we define a male or female slut as one who has had more than 10 sexual partners, there are a lot more women then men who are sluts. That 10% of male sluts are turning 80% of women into sluts per the above definition. For every man getting laid, there has to also be one woman getting laid that night.
...............................
A
male
reader, harddoneby/  +, writes (1 June 2010):
A lot of girls say it's unfair they get called a slut for having lots of easy sex with men. Try being a normal man who is not a stud and stuggles to get sex. The truth is very few men are studs. If some of these girls were in a normal man's shoes staring down a 8 month dry patch I doubt they would still call it a man's world!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): "because eve ate the apple therefore men get it easy" lmaoo i joke , i dont agree with that i just see it as the simple fact that if men sleep around and get called a slag or slut he really doesent give a fuck but women tend to care more about wat people think an say , and there for its more downgrading for them.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Well surely the simple answer is.... it's easier for a girl to have sex if she wants it. And if something is easy it's not going to get the praise that a man gets. For men, it an achievement to sleep with as many girls as possible hence it gets rewarded. Anything hard will get rewarded, simple as.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): Just stumbled across this because I am trying to help a male friend break it off easy with the "nice girl" I set him up with. He says he would've possibly dated the girl if she had just waited to sleep with him, "more than 3 hours after they met"was the time frame.
*WOMEN-LADIES-GIRLS.. whatever we call ourselves these days,
RESPECT YOURSELF and you wont have to answer this question. The people who try and justify how "fair" it is, usually fall into the slut stereotype. If you are so worried about what people are calling you, stop ho-ing yourself around town and meet a guy who doesn't just want you for your body. Didn't we all learn from SATC? Samantha Jones leads a lonely, selfless life, trying to prove how great the single life is. Now shes 50-something and single! And this is your heroine? Get real girls..
Now a note to the
*MEN-BOYS-DOGS.. we both know when a girl gives it up too fast you dont want to date her. It's a given. But women have changed, and being a player isn't what it used to be. I know tons of women who are repulsed by slutty men. You,
fellas, will end up alone at 37 with an oversized stomach wondering why you couldn't settle down 5 years before with that nice girl you banged and forgot about..
Boys and girls, You're both screwed. (literally and metaphorically)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): Here's the difference...
It's hard to be a stud...
It's easy to a be a slut...
Have a nice day!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): i think it's really unfair... girl get's called slut. guy stud... but today, with all these diseases. aids. herpes. etc going on.. i dont exactly know why people still go sleeeping around so much. i mean their more at risk anyway.. being an 18 yr old girl.. it's tempting to give in to each guy you sort of like and come across. but the last thing id want... is a reputation as a slut.. my family would just be utterly humiliated and mortified.. discretion can work.. but in the end... it's a small world... people know eachother in the most random ways and you can't keep the truth forever. it really is unfair and in the end .. it is a mans world. girls just get it the hard way
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): Anybody that sleeps around is just plain gross. If you engage in promiscuity you are something like a public bathroom, but then again I'm the guy that laughs at people when they get a horribly crippling std or sti from sleeping around with so many scum ridden sex addicts. Respect yourself and others that are respectful. Better make sure your knocked up by a good guy because usually the @$$holes woman go for would not make a good parent(seen it a million times-look at the craiglist personals! Tons of woman in their twenties that have three kids! Who wants to deal with that kind of baggage?-don't hate me for saying that the people I have been with had kids from previous relationships and I was dumb enough to jump into it). I'm the old fashioned type(I help out every time I'm needed, provide everything, and I discuss my emotions with the one I love) and I've been cheated on twice by these kind of people. This is kind of a theory of mine, but I think most Christians believe that they can do whatever they want(meaning promiscuous) and get forgiven for their sins by some unseen god, but then again you have to be sincere to be forgiven don't you? This is organized neuroticism at its finest. Sorry didn't mean to drag religion into it. Promiscuous people have no self respect, respect for others, can't truly love, and they can't handle taking the blame for their actions. This is not really an issue if the sexes.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): Girls that sleep around usually sleep with guys that are above their league because guys will f*** anything if they are horny enough. But as far as dating NO they would be a lot pickier, so the girl is simply being used. If you don’t have a problem with being used than that makes you a slut. If you’re a girl and you want a relationship than let that guy prove to you that he respects you other than just a f***.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): yes its fair
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): Beacuse a girl can get laid at the drop of a hat. Men on the other hand have to try a harder to get a lil action. Plus there are genetic differences that also play into it. Guys are designes to impregnate as many women as possible. Women on the other hand can only have offspring once per year or so. They typicially have a more time and energy invested in reproduction. So there for one could assume if a women sleeps around then then shes loose or has psychological problems like self esteem issues.
A man who does is just acting how any other animal and spreading his seed to as many participants as possible. No female goes around and has sex for the fun of it, with the exception of the human
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): hey im a boy i mean no its not fair but boys doing that thinking its just a score than it really aint that cool boys who do that are just man whores
...............................
A
female
reader, IndigoMoods +, writes (30 August 2008):
First of all, it's so hard for most guys to GET pussy that when they do, it's considered a big accomplishment.
For women, it's so easy to get sex that when we do, people assume that we were just giving it away to the first person who called for it.
I don't know, but this is a theory I've been having for a couple months now.
Plus, the same women that are calling a guy a stud are probably the same women that are calling other girls sluts because they don't want that "slut" to sleep with him before they do.
Personally, as a woman, I do not think highly of men that sleep around. Besides, who would want to sleep with a man who already had 20 some partners? That would make you no better than the rest of those girls! And to him, you would be just another conquest. I look at those types of men as rabbits. They're not studs. They're fucking bunnies out in the wilderness looking for something to screw.
...............................
A
female
reader, rremm2000 +, writes (21 June 2008):
I kind of take a different approach to this subject. I am a slut and proud of it! I love sex, from masturbation to voyeurism/exhibitionism. I don't see ANY harm in a woman being a slut, if the guy can't handle it then it's his problem esp in the year 2008. I love and embrace my sexuality and sexual experiences and you should too. My motto, be all you can be sexually and live a fulfilling and enjoyable sex life!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): It's just natural... Men want to seek out as many potential partners as possible to get in the sack. It's the woman who makes the decision to give him the sex he wants, if she does it right away, the guy is satisfied and doesn't need her anymore so he moves on. She hasn't given him incentive to build up the relationship and shown poor character so she's called a slut by giving it up so easily. Women with character who actually try to bond and build a relationship before they put out typically want to select a partner who would stick around and be a father figure if they did become pregnant. During college I can't tell you how sick I got of hearing girls cry on my shoulder about how after they slept with their new "boyfriend" on the second date, why oh why he would never call them again.... meanwhile every long term I've had the girl has held off for at least a month...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007): well i belive since an early age as young men all make it clear that they like girls and that they are "pigs" men get jelous of those women who sleep around, so when a guy thinks its ok when hes young to sleep around and a girl doesnt, its atomatically alright and a girl isnt a pig when shes ready to have sex and i think unconsciently men get jelous for that reason without relizing, women like to stick together and when they see a fellow girl break a link they get mad probably because they are jelous, cuz why else would a girl get mad other than the fact of taking somones boyfriend or playing head games, but there is no other logical explination for that, i bet if girls didnt get called sluts by one another and by guys and didnt let it bother them, than things would be just fine, they should just admit who they are and what they have done, maybe somone should come out with the definiton of what truley makes a slut. be prud of who you are, and if your not what people call you than i guess that can create another question to be posted. my email is [email address blocked] please write to me about what you think of what i wrote, but i am open to other explanations.. bye
...............................
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (1 January 2007):
 Stop using it yourself and don't tolerate any use of derogatory terms to men or women in your immediate circle of friends and family. Then hopefully this circle will widen! We should all try it. Another persons sexual beahviour is their choice and should not be open to judgement from outsiders....in a perfect world....regardless of how morally 'right' or 'wrong' we personally think it.
...............................
A
female
reader, bluejustice99 +, writes (1 January 2007):
First of all, "studs" do not deserve respect for sleeping with lots of women. No one should be praised for being promiscuous because it is dangerous and immoral. The most simple response that I can give to this often asked question is don't give respect to the "studs" and don't disrespect the "sluts". Maybe it'll even out.
...............................
A
female
reader, bluejustice99 +, writes (1 January 2007):
News Flash, it's NOT fair. It is very true. But, nobody ever said it was fair. Women will always have to deal with double standards. They will never go away. The best thing that we can do to help minimize our double standards as women starts with ourselves. We must stop calling each other sluts and whores and such. It only makes it more okay for guys to do it. If we start with something small, we can slowly make a change.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2007): Fair; that you are is important and if you can find others that can also be-rejoice.
Other than that...what does it matter what those who can declare such an ugly term to something so masterful?
Boys, men, girls and women need to stop being depreciative of their neighbours; their friends.
Peace.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2007): Here is the deal, it is difficult to wrap your brain around but this is how dating and the whole mating ritual seems to work...Men will pick up on girls cues as to whether or not she finds him attractive, and if he feels an attraction for her, he will begin to flirt and test the waters, but girls really do the selecting, if she does not find him suitable she will find a way to stop him dead in his tracks and he will have to move on to a more receptive female.
Then there are those females who are not very selective, they will sleep around with a male just because she can, this is usually someone that gets the reputation of being a slut.
Since men are the ones out there trying on so many females, he appears to be a stud or the one who is doing all the selecting, but in reality he may be getting shot down a lot too, in that the girls won't want to continue dating him....I don't think that a stud is all that attractive, but I suppose it depends on the person ...
It does not seem fair that women get the prejuidice of being called a slut just for sleeping around, and if she wants to do that and can protect herself from pregnancey and STD's then I guess more power to her, however, most women are quite at risk with this kind of promiscuous behavior in part because of their biology, they are smaller, usually and weaker usually, and can become pregnant, where a man has no such risk of pregnancy only of being a father, which he can easily walk away from his responsibility if he so chooses, where a woman can not.
Further, men and women are really wired differently, all most every women will form an emotional bond after having sex with a man, or may be heart driven to have sex where very often a man is faking these feelings in order to have sex, and often will loose his attraction quickly afer having sex with a woman that he is not all that bonded too.
So really, those names and stereotypes are sort of there for a reason, to protect and discourage people from behaving in self destructive ways...Fair, perhaps not, but it has been that way since the beginning of time probably.
It is really not a linear, simple concept, it goes much deeper than that, and you have to ask yourself some questions, do you want sex without relationship and attachment and love, or do you want to do those things that build on friendship, trust, respect and passion...that goes for both men and women.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jadzia1127 +, writes (1 January 2007):
 In past generations what you have said might have been true but now with STD's, AIDS, internet gossip, and virginity being valued, a slut is a slut, male or female. Some youth are being taught the old generations prejudices, but many are breaking away from those stereotypes and waking up to the truth. Some uni age and teens will refer to a male as a guy slut and it's NOT code for stud.
The other way around, most people (male or female) enjoy having someone who knows their way around the human body and aren't too shy to try new things.
If you approach life with unfair prejudices then you will see the world in that light. The best thing is to just live your life the best you can and not internal prejudices.
...............................
A
female
reader, Pretty and proud +, writes (1 January 2007):
 i wouldnt be with someone who has had alot of girls before me because id like to feel special. i got the name slut when i lost my virginity at a young age and i took no notice because my ego was as big as russia! and people started to respect me for it (like they do with guys) the answer to your question is men who have had alot of girls have a massive ego because they think they are sexy to have pulled so much. but girls have this hormonal feeling and because we feel like sluts people react to this and call us sluts. i hope this answered your question xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2007): I wouldn't go as far as calling a guy who sleeps around a stud. More like a duck... That's what Chinese people call gigilos. Pretty gross actually.
...............................
|
