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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: So... maybe it's my fault for asking.... but....Asked my boyfriend of 3 years if he would ^^^k this woman who runs in our social circle IF he was NOT with me.He was not too keen on answering at first but he DID say point blank "YES" if he was NOT with me.He said I am more beautiful than she is and have a better body but she is cute and has a good body.Would you get upset at your boyfriend over this? Or is it my fault for asking such a question? I guess I sometimes feel insecure about her because I know she is not happy in her marriage and not having sex with her husband anymore (I know this because we have had some talks lately) and I worry she might succumb to my boyfriend because she is not getting any sex. So I worry her being around our group as my boyfriend does talk with her and deal with her through work as well. So I am worried she will see he is a great guy with a lot of charm. All the things I see in him. And she will fall easy because she is going through a dry spell. My boyfriend and I both know many women (and men) socially but this woman in particular concerns me because she is having marital problems and no longer finds her husband sexually appealing. She did tell me this herself. And my boyfriend is very friendly and personable and seems to get on well with women in general.Sometimes I have seen them talking and he seems to be joking with her. One time he said something to her and she hit him on the shoulder smiling and laughing. She makes jokes to him too when we are in public. Like a back and forth banter between them. It just does not sit well with me. I am not sure if I need to be concerned? How do you know if it is friendly or flirty?? True interest of just joking around?How do I get over these worries and not let this eat me up every time I am with my boyfriend and she is in the same room or at the same event or he has to text her for work etc? It is really tough and very draining on my emotions. Any opinions on how to handle this?
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (8 June 2016):
 There's a phrase/proverb that goes something like "don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to", though I'd probably phrase it "don't ask questions, that may have answers you're not prepared for". You did and you got an answer that played into your insecurities. Yes, your fault. It tempts us, to ask questions like that, but we often don't actually want to know.
She can't cheat with your boyfriend unless *he* chooses to. If you trust him, give up on the cheating stuff. If you don't, consider giving up your relationship.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (7 June 2016):
 "Or is it my fault for asking such a question?..."
Yes... it's your fault. DON'T ask such a question if it might elicit and answer that will piss you off as much as this one did....
You "sucker-punched" your B/F.... and his (honest) answer has you all agog because he gave it.....
Drop the subject and see if your and B/F can continue...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2016): It is perfectly normal for most guys - boyfriends or husbands - to entertain thoughts of having sex with other attractive women. Or finding them attractive, period. Purely physical and male programming is all it is.
But would they? Most WOULD NOT.
If he is happy with you, then I would not be finding reasons to worry that aren't there. Your own insecurities and fears magnify things. And create things that are not there.
He is choosing to be with YOU. Not her. Or anyone else.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (7 June 2016):
 Well yes, it can sometime be unwise to ask. You need to look at all your good points. No really! Write them down. You are quite something aren't you? Be strong in the knowledge that you hold so many good cards.
As far as your man is concerned, if he falls then let him go. He can't have both you and her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2016): Well, tapping him on the shoulder and laughing at his cheesy jokes I would consider flirting. A lot of affairs start at work, where the husband gets a shift of attention and the wife isn't around to be an influence. I would be uncomfortable too. That's a tough situation.
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