A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey guys so I need some advice on how to be more interesting in my relationships. i'm kind of quiet and my last boyfriend stated how I wasn't enough of a 'challenge' and he wanted someone who brought more to the table. I don't want to make the same mistakes in the future. I feel like I can be outgoing when I get comfortable and I have that excitement inside of me but have trouble expressing it.so what are some examples I can do/talk about to keep a guy interested? i want to be the kind of woman like George Clooney's wife or Angelina jolie..they seem to have this "something" to keep their men that i want more of.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2016): You can't be someone your not, but you can be the best best version of yourself for your own sake!I know nothing about Clooney's wife, but Jolie suffers from serious personality disorder, so I guess you wouldn't want to be like her. Btw she too got dumped.First of all, understand that there is sometimes a difference between what you think you want and what it is good for you. When you're getting to know someone realize that you must get to know their flaws as well. Nobody's perfect. One of the flaws of your previous bf was that he wanted someone else. It's something you can pretty much see straight away - the type of girls/women a man is interested. Oh, they too must compromise sometimes. Nobody can have it all.Back to your question. Pursue your interests and passions. There's nothing more exciting than a person who is passionate and knows what he/she wants. Discover what it is that excites you. It could be anything, from sports to art. Develop your interests and talents. Maybe by doing so you'll meet someone closer to your sensibility.Once you really find activities your passionate about you'll never just wait for someone to call (be it a friend or bf). You'll be the one to move others, proposing different activities and inviting them to join you.Also, speaking of best version of yourself. We are all born with certain limits and assets. But taking care of oneself, eating right, exercising, being fit and healthy works for everyone! So if this is not a part of your life, start today - again not for anybody else, but for yourself!Ask yourself if you have the style you always wanted. If not, determine the one that suits you best and go for it.This will do wonders for your self-confidence and you'll no longer think what to do for someone to like you. You will like yourself :)This energy attracts people and potential partners. Chose wisely. Do not let some negative/hurt parts of yourself chose for you. Know what you need and want, what REAL qualities you look for.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 June 2016):
 Let me finish this post for you the correct way:
"I don't want to make the same mistakes in the future"
..... So I need to pick different boyfriends. How do I discover early on who would be a good fit for me and not? I would like someone with the same activity level and energy level as me, so that I don't feel pushed into doing things I don't want to, and so that I will not be put down and called "boring" or "not challenging" again.
Well, the answer to this question, the EDITED AND CORRECT QUESTION:
Go on more dates with a man before you settle in a relationship. Ask him early on what he likes and dislikes, and see what activities he picks for your outings. If he would stay at home to watch a movie, or if he wants to go to concerts. This should give you a hint on what activity level and energy level he is at. A very passionate man might not be the one for you, as passionate people have a tendency to need action and every day challenges in order to feel alive. Passionate people are, unfortunately for you, the ones we are instinctively drawn towards though. So you need to not go for the man who is at the center of every ones attention, but rather the man who likes to stay a bit on the side and observe. The observes are often lower in energy, and maybe you will find one of them to be at the same energy level as you.
Same energy level will help for a good relationship. I have learned the same lesson, as I thought I wanted a low-energy relationship (they just seem more calm and steady and relaxing), but turns out I am a more medium energy level person, and I end up tearing down the walls if I have to sit still for the entire week. So a low energy person, turns out isn't for me after all. But neither is a high energy person, because cliff diving and weekly mountain hikes aren't my thing either.
It takes time to discover someones energy level, but you should be able to pick up on it earlier on if you pay attention to this as a crucial factor from the very beginning of dating.
On the last note, if you truly want to become more "interesting" as you put it, more of a challenge, then realize that is involves a fundamental change to your personality. You are who you are, and that is always good enough. You were just with the wrong person. But if you absolutely want what you think Angelina Jolie has, then start to ignore your man a bit more often. Angelina Jolie gives off the vibe that she has far too many interesting projects going on, to be available at any moments notice. She's too important for small stuff, and you need to book her in weeks in advance. She would probably also have a lot to talk about, regarding her multiple interesting projects, and will have little time for anyone else.
But is "busy" and "challenging" truly what you want to be? It sounds like a lot of work to me, if you aren't actually genuinely interested in doing all this work.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (7 June 2016):
 The way forward is to develop yourself. Pursue interests that appeal to you, regardless of who else likes them. If you have hobbies, activities, interests then you fill your personality, and you meet other interesting people who in turn inspire you with their creativity and passion.
I don't know what your life is like at the moment but I bet you already have some things that either you do; have done when you were younger; or always wanted to try.
Get going! Don't let life pass you by. You are making a film in which you are the star and the director. Don't make a boring one. You will have to watch it back later. Make it in full colour with lots of action.
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