A
male
age
41-50,
*ames 10
writes:Please can you help me.I have been with my partner for 2 years she was my soul mate my best friend and my lover, we had planned our life together, and I was going to ask her to marry me. I have had a very difficult 3 months, with work and my health, I have had 3 operations, and have not worked for 3 months, so we have had to spend a lot of time together, when we only saw each other at weekends as I worked away in the week. I have been really down and very low. My partner has been brilliant looking after me and being really supportive. I am being really awful to her for about 4 weeks and I dont know why,she does not deserve it. We have had a talk and I have told her I dont know how I feel anymore as I am not happy. She is heartbroken and said maybe its because of work and my health, and she feels things will get better when I am back at work. I know I love her as much as I did and miss her when she is not there, but I am not showing her or telling her very much lately.I dont want to walk away because of my love for her. What is wrong with me.
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male
reader, james 10 +, writes (3 October 2011):
james 10 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I love and miss my girlfriend co much when we are not together. I have moved in with my friend for a few days a week and going tospend the rest of the week at home to see if this helps me know what I want. How can I love her so much but at the moment dont know what I want. I know I could not have her in my life, I dont know what is wrong with me or why I cant show her I love her, I am so unhappy with everything ,I have broke her heart by my actions. What I can I do.
A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (30 September 2011):
 fears had been torturing your minds. Operations,feeling pain, no income,unable to work and boring making up all these desperate situations.you're down
but Think Positive. Get yourself well soon. You'll be back! all problems will solve. everythings will back to normal. Get it straight &done! You CAN DO IT! Believe it!
1. Do you realise she already treats you very good? She takes care when you are ill. Well,not all girl want to do this.some girls just runs away/ disappears.
But she choose to stay by your side when you mostly need.It shows how true she is to you. do you realise? Doesn't she deserve bit appreciation from you? Don't you think so?
2.Do you know how tired she is as a caregiver? It's not an easy job. pls show a concern &thank her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): I commend you for acknowledging that you are mistreating her, and that you want to fix the issue. In my experience it is not common for people to realize they are hurting their loved ones, (or care if they learn they are.)
So, I say that you work on healing your emotional self. You need to change your internal dialogue to be more positive. It is hard when you have an illness and things change. It is very easy to suffer from depression due to it as well. The first thing you need to remember is that you are still you, no matter what your health may be. I would say to see a couple's councilor if you are able.
If you do not find yourself progressing positively emotionally, then speak to your doctor. You may need to see a psychologist who specializes in depression for those with other health concerns.
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A
female
reader, Catface +, writes (30 September 2011):
I don't think anything is wrong with you. I just think you feel frustrated and out of control - and when people feel like this it makes them angry, you're taking it out on her because she is closest to you.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (30 September 2011):
 It is good you acknowledge that you are mistreating her.
Then use your love for her to get the help you need.
You sound depressed. Talk to your Doctor!
Also, see a counselor or keep a journal to vent all your ugly feelings to-not your gf.
Apologize to your gf for your mistreatment. Do not wallow and feel sorry for yourself.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (30 September 2011):
Mate you sound like you are wollowing in self-pitty, it's all me me me, I've been ill, I have bad health, I can't work, I'm low.No wonder you don't know how to feel.You need to get yourself on the road to recover ASAP and get back your confidence. You need to improve your health, and get a rewarding job. When you are feeling happier within yourself, your feelings for your girlfriend will come back. Take control of the problems in your life whilst you still have a chance mate, and everything else (like the relationship) will fall in to place.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (30 September 2011):
 i will agree with very confused it sounds like you are depressed . you need to let her know that you love her and that you maybe depressed that could be effecting you. i believe you care for her and love her or you would not be posting asking for help. let her know.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 September 2011):
 many men are so tied to their jobs that they define themselves by their employment. It's possible due to your illness and lack of work you are a bit depressed.
I would hold off making any decisions until after things are back to normal.
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