A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've got the most amazing boyfriend who treats me so well and I basically couldn't ask for more. But I still think of this guy I dated briefly before I met my boyfriend. This guy was so into me, pursued me so much and I fell so hard for him. We only dated for a month and he broke it off saying he wasn't ready for a relationship. He broke it off with a text and I haven't heard from him since. I never found out why he did this. If it matters at all I never slept with him or contacted him after he dumped me.It's been almost a year and I still think of him. I wonder what he's doing, if he still remembers me and I wonder what could have been.Why am I torturing myself? Why do I still think of someone who rejected me and threw me away when I have an amazing man who wants me and would do anything for me? How do I get over this and never think of him again?
View related questions:
my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): Thanks to all of you for such great and insightful answers, it's just what I needed. I know that I am stuck on a fantasy and that I don't long for the man but I long for an explanation as to why he did what he did. You guys telling me so as well confirms this.
Getting this out and asking for opinions helps with the process of letting go. I'm a tad obsessive by nature, as you all can probably tell, and letting go is not easy for me. It speaks more of me than the guy or what happened.
CaringGuy, I have thought long and hard about whether I can give my boyfriend the committment he deserves. I think that I have to work on this myself and not hurt him in the process. Having said that I am not going to leave him because I've never met someone like him and losing him over a fantasy would be the biggest regret of my life. What he and I have is real. I just have to realize that reality and fantasy are two different things.
Thanks again guys :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): I think you may be in love with a fantasy and not that real guy.
His courtship has the markings of someone who is better at the perfected "chase" aspect of dating than revealing his true self (warts and all) in process. That may be part of the reason he backed away, he began to feel like you were getting too close and you threatened to see through the facade.
It's much easier for this guy to seem so dreamy than your current guy. You got what was probably a well-crafted short dose of this previous guy, and you are comparing it to the full unpolished picture of your current guy.
...............................
A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (17 May 2010):
I agree that your preoccupation has to do with not understanding his motivations. And I agree that the path to mental clarity is in forgiving him, in knowing that you are worthy of love, and in knowing that good people can do inexplicable and hurtful things.I disagree with the idea that he only wanted you for sex. (You didn't even say that you had sex.) Men are often torn between the desire to form deep bonds and the desire to have more and better relationships with ever more desirable women. To suppose that he had a cold, calculated plan to get laid and then dump you suggests a clarity of motivation that I do not believe exists in many people.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 May 2010):
 You can only find closure to this issue when you forgive him for the wrongs and the hurts he has inflicted upon you .
You may not forget him but in time , the pain is no more.
Forgiveness of him will begin your healing's and you will find closure on this issue once and forever.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 May 2010):
You're not torturing yourself over the man. You're torturing yourself over the fact you don't understand why he dumped you. You need to stop this by accepting that this is a man who, for whatever reason, was cold enough to chase you and dump you by text. I suspect that he wanted to use you for sex, and when you wouldn't give in, he just dumped you. He won't be thinking about, because he will on another several women. And it never could have been, because the way he dumped you suggests he only wanted sex.
If you can't get over him, you will have to let this current boyfriend go, because it's unfair on him if you're not totally committed.
But to get over this other guy, you need to understand that he didn't care, and nothing ever would have come of it because he was out for sex and nothing else. So I'm glad that you didn't give into him. Like I say though, if you can't get over him, let your boyfriend go. It's not fair to be with someone when you're not totally committed.
...............................
|
