A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 30 year old, married and I have 2 beautiful children.I've married my husband 5 years ago, I always loved him but never really fell in love with him (movie style) I actually didn't think those feelings truly exist and love is how you treat people and how they treat you back, I'm rather a logical person, never been too emotional, never shown too much emotion, my husband say I have a poker face, hard to read.I'm genuinely alright with my marriage, it fell into a calm routine, our life is running smoothly, like a boat in a calm water.Only 2 weeks ago did I meet someone, someone not important, someone who might be a bad news but I don't know what happened to me, the very moment I seen him, my stomach had a knot that felt like it was being twisted, squeezing my soul and the inside of me, I couldn't breath or talk properly, I even don't remember exactly what happened but I remember his voice, his accent, so beautiful, seducing, like sad music played in the middle of the night in an empty dessert, I'm on fire, I'm not actually listening to what he is saying, instead I'm thinking he is extremely tall , he also have an old faded scar on his face, I wanted to touch it.We talked for a minute, that's it.I've seen him again today, he didn't speak to me, he didn't look at me and then disappeared.I don't know what's wrong with me, how can I stop this horrible feeling of unease, anxiety caused by thinking of him, I catch myself fantasizing about him and my body ache in nervousness, I hate how I feel, I don't want to feel this, what ever this is.He knows I'm married, he knows my husband, I heard his name a lot but never placed a face to go with his name.He was ignoring me today, but why am I bothered? Why am I thinking about someone else who is not my husband, why I feel irrational and risky.My mind is hating me right now, how to fix this.
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (14 April 2017):
If you're in love with this guy you should tell him how you feel. Why settle for blah when you can have WOW. People meet and fall in love all the time even if they're in a committed relationship with someone else. Don't spend your life wondering "What if?" Grap that brass ring while you can.
If your husband finds out it won't matter. He'll either forgive you or file for divorce. And the courts will side with you. You'll have your kids your home a good chunk of your husband's pay packet and your lover.
Go for it!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 April 2017):
 Use that passion you are feeling and get a babysitter and take your husband away for a romantic weekend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2017): I was in the same position. Only because I was bored. And my husband of 4 years was Mr. Nice Guy. I guess I craved a bad boy for a change. My husband was not that guy. He was the guy who could provide for me. Give me a comfortable life. They guy who kept me safe. The guy I could trust with my heart. The guy I could have children with and be an amazing father. The guy I could count on when I got sick or old. The guy who respected me and would never, ever cheat on me. The one man I could bear my soul to. Who would listen to me even when I rambled about things unimportant to him. The guy who would be there for me no matter what. Who loved me the way I deserved to be loved.Decide what is most important to you.Attractions are fleeting. They come and go. BUT GOOD MEN, you cannot find those very easily. Trust me on that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2017): The key thing you wrote here which really stood out to me because I have been in this exact position . Sure they can say that you are missing excitement at home and that this man is a reminder that you need excitement in your life but I will say this , NOT necessarily with your husband . Why do I say this ? Because you pointed out something very important . You NEVER had this with your husband . So this is not simply a case of 'rekindling ' This may be a case of the universe letting you know that you are actually with the wrong person . Sure the relationship had its purpose and was right at the time for whatever reason but now it's time to feed your soul Does this mean the random man is the one ? Of course not . He is simply the catalyst to bring you to consider what could be with the right person If the magic was never there with your husband , it's unlikely that any amount of weekends away , lingerie or counselling will help . You can try of course but ultimately you will need to decide ? Is what you and he have enough or do you need and deserve more ?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 April 2017):
 Have you ever connected with your husband? I mean REALLY connected? Where do you look when you are having sex? Do you close your eyes? Or choose positions which mean you don't have to look at him? Or even avoid sex altogether?
Try having sex with him and looking into each other's eyes while you are doing it, slowly seducing each other instead of just "doing it". Allow your husband to reach out to you and do the same to him.
You have obviously built up some sort of wall around yourself for some reason and this man has, unexpectedly, managed to break through it and touch you emotionally. Don't build it back up. Use the experience to really connect with your husband. Rather than thinking of him as a father, a husband, a provider, think of him as your LOVER. This new man will then fade into the background and just be a catalyst for a better relationship.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 April 2017):
 You feel like your marriage is lacking something thus a random dude who is NOTHING like your husband makes you excited.
My advice? Being married doesn't mean you STOP noticing attractive people, interesting people, sexy people, whatever people. We DO NOT grow deaf, dumb and blind when saying our vows.
Plan a fun night out with your husband, hire a babysitter and dress up. Or if you can have your parents/in-laws watch the kids for a weekend and plan a little getaway - like a B&B and have some FUN just the two of you.
All that "passion" you feel, let it loose on your husband. Seduce HIM.
As for having fantasies? Sheesh don't we all?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2017): You can fall in love even if you are in a marriage, it's how you act upon your feelings is what counts.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (12 April 2017):
Look right here...
"it fell into a calm routine, our life is running smoothly, like a boat in a calm water."
Lets break down all your words, and lets look at life itself.
First...Calm...Is life always calm?
2nd...Routine...Even the weather does not have a routine.
3rd...Smoothly...Nothing in life is smooth unless to work hard at it.
4th...Boat in calm water...No boat ever stay in calm waters. The waves will get rough sooner or later.
So what does all of that say...You have been sitting in a pot stewing with boredom. Along comes a chef with a big spoon and stirred your pot. All of a sudden, all the flavours of the stew are being mixed up, oh it taste even better than before.
That man...That is life reminding you that you need to stir your own pot more often. Stop sitting in your calm, routine, smooth, boat in calm waters world, and start the freaking engine.
When was the last time hubby rocked your boat really good?? So good, you almost abandon ship?? If it has been awhile, or never...then you need to start.
The feelings you have now for this guy...that is how you wish your husband would make you feel. You are just burning for a some change to your routine life. Excitement...to feel alive.
Life is just reminding you of that...Now go get hubby...and let him fulfil your deepest fantasy...again, and again. :)
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