A
female
age
30-35,
*emi12
writes:I've been split up with my ex for 5months but I have been speaking and seeing him for the past 2months. I was with him for 2years. Since I have been seeing him all my feelings have come back and I feel like I am in the same situation of what I was when we first split up. About 2 weeks ago I asked him what was going on between us and he said he didn't want a girlfirend and I'm best moving on. Since then we have still been speaking and seeing eachother now and again. Its mostly me who makes the effort and I just think why do I do it but I love him and do not no what to do! When I go to see him he is really nice and it feels the way it did when we was together! So I really do not get him!Please give me some advice on what to do! Is he just using me when he's bored? I really don't know why he's doing this what do you think?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): "Why am I the one making all the effort?"
Because he doesn't have to do anything to get laid when you're throwing yourself at him.
"Why do I do it?"
Apparently because you think you can win him back by continuing to put out for him when just the opposite is true. Even if he wanted you back, he'd have so reason to offer you anything more when you're already giving him what he wants with no obligation and no commitment required on his part.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (9 October 2013):
 If you and he are being intimate (having sex!)... then he has everything a guy ever dreams of.... That is:
He can behave distantly... disinterested.... and he has you "sympathizing" or "empathizing" with that behaviour... whilest HE has everything he wants (sex!)... and doesn't have to extend his emotions to actually give (back) to you anything that a girl is entitled to expect from a "boyfriend" (read: "sex partner")...
I suggest that you cool things for a while.... a LONG while, if necessary..... until/unless he is a bit more forthcoming on how he feels about you.... which, incidentally, will reveal if he actually gives a damn about you.... OR, is totally content to be a s*x partner (only) with you....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): You're trying to force him to take you back as his girlfriend.He isn't doing anything to encourage you. You said you're making all the effort. You're really persistent.You're making all the effort; because you can't accept that it's over. You're clinging to false-hope, and he doesn't really want to hurt you anymore. You won't face reality.The pain is self-inflicted. You're pushing yourself on him. Being nice to you doesn't mean he wants you back. He should be more straighforward; but he must feel sorry for you. So he lets you delude yourself into thinking you're getting back together. You don't seem to leave him much choice. You refuse to go. He may be genuinely concerned for your mental stability.You actually speak in terms as though you're together; but describe his behavior as being exactly the opposite. He knows you broke up; but you seem to have forgotten.The only way to do it is the hard way. Just stop. Go through the withdrawal, and start your healing. There is no way to just wean yourself off. You face the grief, accept the loss, you heal, and move on. There is no other way.I wrote some articles. Read them when you have the time.I hope they'll help.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 October 2013):
 Yes, I think he is using you because you keep letting him (in the sense that you don't fully detach yourself).
He doesn't want a GF or to Date right now, but it's is NICE (from his point of view) that YOU still want him. So he is content with what is going on, not so much because he cares, but because now he doesn't even HAVE to put forth any effort you are just handing it to him.
At some point in time he MIGHT want a GF again, but that won't be you. He will (if you let him) use you as his security blanket til he does find greener grass.
I would stop it. Stop calling him, stop hanging out, stop any intimacy. Basically, cut him lose. IF you keep doing what you are doing you will be hurt all over again when he finds someone else. And you will still be stuck on him.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 October 2013):
 Sorry to say this but he is probably using you until he meets someone else - if he wanted you back he would be contacting you and making an effort with you, but that is not the case. He is probably a bit bored now he is single and if you offer yourself up on a plate, he wont turn it down.
What you need to do is go completely cold turkey - he doesnt want you back, he has made that 100% clear and you need to accept that and move on. The more you see him, the more you wont be able to let it go - so you need to cut contact with him and dont see him anymore.
He wants to be single and he doesnt want to be with you, you need to get that into your head otherwise this is just going to get more and more painful. He isnt contacting you, you are initiating it - delete his phone number, remove him from facebook....do everything you can to stop yourself from contacting him again.
In a few months you will feel better and you will move on - but you have to go cold turkey, no seeing him and no speaking to him.
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