A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Shes 23, I'm 18. She has a boyfriend who is 24. About a year ago, we started talking as friends. A few months later I found her calling me every day. We've been talking non stop every day for the past year, without missing a day. Texting is a part of that also. It's constant. I told her I loved her in June, but she kept telling me that it won't work, and that she's with someone and I'm too young. (At the time)Now, months later, I find myself picking her up every night to go hang out, she makes the plans. She comes to me when she's sick or has a problem.We cuddle a lot, we hold hands, I play with her hair, I give her random kisses on the cheek, we had one (accidental) real kiss. I give her massages, she does the same sometimes. We walk arm-in-arm, it all seems as if we're together. I say good night every night, she gets worried when I don't call. She asks me to kiss her forehead when she feels bad. A while ago, she told me that she had a lot of guys fall in love with her and that she simply cut them loose and avoided them. I'm the exception. I've told her how much pain I'm going through, and about the sleepless nights, heartaches, dreams, thoughts, loss of interest, and how much I love her. She said that she has no reason to "cut me loose." This is even with the fact that she knows that I love her to pieces. She still won't give me a chance, but she says that her boyfriend doesn't give her the support she needs (emotional, physical, etc).Why isn't she letting me go? Does she have any feelings at all? Why is she being so subtle? What should I do to get her to give me a chance? Why am I the exception? I really can't let her go either, I think I found the one person who I love more than the reason why.I forgot to mention that I've been praying every night non stop just asking for a chance, asking for her to realize what I'm going through or how much I love her, and that nobody loves her as much.I'd appreciate it if those who have a clear understanding of this situation would send me a message, there are details that I don't want to write down here, but I'd like to tell to someone for further analyzing.
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female
reader, petina1  +, writes (6 December 2008):
 You are a nice part of her life. You are filling a need which her current boyfriend isnt. Once you over step the line by taking it a step further then the whole scenario of what you have will change and it could spoil it or at least make her know then it is serious and she must make a decision. I wonder if she will be able to cut the ties with her current boyfriend. It will be confusing for her as she is now getting herself into a no win situation with you. Have you heard the song 'Torn between two lovers'. I'ts not a nice situation to be in and someone is bound to get hurt they always do in these things. I hope it isnt you. But another saying is 'Alls fair in love and War'. Good luck. Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, sparkleworks  +, writes (6 December 2008):
 Sorry to hear what you're going through. It's a complex situation to try to answer, but there are a couple of things that came to mind when reading your post.
First of all, girls in general are a lot more free with showing affection than boys, as I'm sure you know. It's widely accepted for girls to cuddle, peck on the cheek, and generally comfort physically in a completely platonic, non-romantic way. It's possible that she just might not view your relationship the same way that you do, because she loves you dearly as a friend and those are the interactions that she feels go with that label.
Of course it's probably more complicated than that, another explanation is that she may be craving that sort of support *so* much that she can't bear to let it go, even if she can see how her behaviour is hurting you. If that's the case then there may be something else going on, maybe with her boyfriend, that's troubling her and helping her open up about that might help clarify the situation between the two of you.
If there's nothing sinister going on, and her issue really just is your age difference... well, there's really nothing you can do about that other than sit back for a while - that will seem less significant with time. But meanwhile, you need to explain to her that if she really cares about you, she needs to stop using you as a crutch without reciprocating, because that's just not fair.
If you still need to message someone about any other details, feel free :) Otherwise good luck.
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