A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We were together for six years and we have kids together. I was thinking about breaking up with him but he broke up with me first. In the past I would beg him to take me back but this time I said Fine, let's break up, this isn't working, let's stay friends for the kids. In fact everything stayed almost the same--I got the house and he's paying me child support. We're just not sleeping together. Now he is acting weird, whenever he calls he grills me on whether or not I'm dating and accuses me of lying when I say I'm not (I'm not). He even shows up at the house randomly and asks the kids "who is mommy dating"! It's been six weeks. He gets mad at me for not being jealous that he's dating! And he constantly tries to use the children as a way to get back at me! Why am I the bad guy? He's the one who dumped me! Why is he acting so immature, and how can I get him to act like a grown-up?
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Be strong, tell him you don't want to get back together with him, tell him you prefer you life without him creating stress within in, tell him you are happy you loved him enough in the past to make two beautiful babies, but the love has moved on and he should too.
Things are different in the States to here so I can't suggest much practical action you could take, but you need to "formalise" access and set some ground rules about him turning up at random times, its not good for the kids, they are happier when they know whats going to happen and when.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, he keeps saying "If you change we can get back together!" - I don't want to get back together, so I say Ok, but just to be nice. I don't want to tell him we'll *never* get back together. Maybe I *should* start dating.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (12 April 2011):
He is looking for excuses to have dumped you, trying to project the reasons for the split onto you so that he can point the finger and stop feeling guilty.
The fact that it has been only six weeks and he is dating already says a lot about his character ... none of it good.
When he quizes you about dating and gets mad that you are not jealous tell him being a good parent is your priority at the moment.
Its unfair of him to question the kids, it will be confusing for them, and they already have enough to deal with, perhaps some family counselling, or even mediation, might get him to see sense on this .. his behaviour is not helping your kids deal with the breakup, but hindering it.
Good luck, I am sure you have made the right decision!
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (12 April 2011):
 It's an ego thing and an ownership thing and a jealous thing and a lonely thing and a sexual thing.
He's doing the guy thing. It's actually normal.
You have to be the bad guy because he doesn't want to feel he is a bad man.
It's a you don't know what you had till it's gone thing.
It could rekindle a new RS between you both or not.
Just don't take it seriously, but do stay honest.
On one hand you could be disgusted but on the other hand you could feel complimented.
It's all in the perspective.
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