A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I went out with a girl for a brief period 9 months ago. Although she ended it only after 3 months of dating I was crushed. I honestly felt deeply in love with her and she admitted early on that she was in love with me too. We didn't have a bad break up and after about a month I moved on. I almost immediately met someone else that I've been in a relationship with since. This person is truly amazing and I can see us being together for a long time. However, about 2 months ago I started having dreams about my ex probably 2/3 times a week. Usually we get back together in the dream or at least share a romantic experience. I can't shake the intense feelings I have when I wake from the dreams for at least a day or two meaning that lately I'm almost always thinking about my ex. To be honest I can't even see us lasting if we were to rekindle our romance. I totally fit with the person I'm currently seeing. Could it be a case that I just didn't get proper closure from the break-up or did I move on too quickly?
View related questions:
crush, get back together, move on, my ex, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, PJ Roy  +, writes (25 October 2017):
Make sure that, unlike me, you do not confuse 'lingering love' with phobia, aka Fear Of Missing Out.And instead of 'just move on', I'd tell you, Look back over the break-up... was something about it too sudden? too brutal, as in totally against your impression that everything was right on track?Those dreams are your subconscious telling you, Pay Attention! There's something to learn about yourself here and hear!Most definitely, I'd tell you, when it's over, it really is over. Whatever you'll find when 'paying attention' is only meant to help you evolve into a better person and make your next relationships 'better', not find the right words to say, or things to do that will undo the past or change what's done.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2017): You can't control your dreams. They consist of memories and experiences that can occur randomly or repeatedly. Recurrent dreams are usually fueled by anxiety, trauma, or unfinished-business. Or just downright stubbornness!
Let-go already!!! You've got a new girlfriend!
My lesbian-friends frequently joke about the intensity of their relationships; which often transpire in rapid-sequence. Before they hardly know each other; they move-in together! One spat, and they move-out.
Serial-relationships are rampant in the gay-community as a whole. It's part of the culture. Replacing a failed-one with a fresh new one. Several ladies I know, have a flock of women they call exes! Once we grow older, we stop this foolishness. We tire of the drama. I'm a gay man. I know the tee!
You are still reckoning with the detachment-process. She's still fresh in your mind, and it wasn't long before you jumped right into another relationship. Please fight stereotypes! It's our duty!
My advice. Get-over and finish one thing at a time. Your mind is overwhelmed; and you over-romanticize over relationships. You still think much like you did as a teenage girl. In-love with being in-love!
Time to mature and learn how to separate, eliminate, and move forward. Romanticizing spends too much time in the dreamworld and fantasy. Come down to reality.
Your dreams have no meaning or real reasoning. You just have a busy mind, and you over-think things. Like myself, you live in your head a lot. In that case, yoga and meditation are very helpful in clearing the mind and relaxing. Purging the soul of toxic thoughts and ruminations. Shopping is also a good therapy, but mind your budget! Take-up in-house gardenting or needle-point. You should see my indoor-jungle!
It's magnificent!
Will people quit with this "closure" thing already!
As creatures of intellect, choice, logic, and common-sense. We sometimes draw "closure" through accepting the reality of things. What we absolutely can't change; we learn to live with. Your old relationships is done. Close the casket.
A lot of over-analysis, pleading cases, futility, and beating a dead horse; still wont convince the headstrong to concede to those things we simply refuse to accept. Because we can't always have it our way.
So we must allow maturity and our sense of self-control to takeover the brain (put the heart on standby) and settle our minds down to deal with the truth. That's called coping and survival.
A lot of people can't do that, I guess. Their sense of entitlement will not take it without a tremendous battle with inner-conflict and denial! You can't have both women!
Focus on the person you're with. If you can't, you don't really care for her as much as you're pretending. Don't waste her time if all you think about is your ex. Grow-up!
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 October 2017):
 We do dream about the oddest off things at times, and the more we think about it the more the dream gets repeated. At this stage I would say just to try and put it to the back off your mind and continue in your relationship, you seem happy with who you are with now so make the most off it and maybe even have a romantic weekend away together, allow your mind to think about other things.
...............................
|
