A
female
age
41-50,
*hiannon3
writes:My ex kept calling every week. He called once or twice a week and would show up randomly. He always wanted sex. He didn’t really wanted to see our daughter. The last time he came over he said he still loved me and wanted to work it out. I have been struggling to get over him. I am still in love with him. I went over to his house this weekend. I see things more clear now. I understand that he will never marry. I I understand that his talk about getting a place is not going to happen. Why am I still afraid to make him mad? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 January 2020):
 You know why you two broke up. INCOMPATIBILITY. HE and you are not a good fit. You want different things in life. He doesn't seem to WANT to be a father either.
He wants you back because it SUITS him. He will not CHANGE and he WILL not be the man you want him to be. That you want a PARTNER to be.
I would limit the contact you have with him as much as possible. As you share a child there will be some contact needed, at least if he start to decide to BE a dad. And I'd definitely AVOID spending time alone with him. Because that would essentially be you stringing him along to an extend. Because you CARE about him but you also know he isn't a good fit for you.
You might love him. But you also know that LOVE is not going to change him, it's not going to make it work. You need more than "just" love. You need to be compatible and you are NOT.
You CAN love someone and NOT be with them.
Don't hold on to this guy because you are scared of being alone. Or because you think you can't "do" better down the line.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2020): Define why you are scared, are you scared he will physically hurt you or scared to tell him you don't want to carry on what is happening and want to break it off but in doing so he may stop seeing his daughter and you will never get what you wanted?
You have worked out what he says and what he does are two very different things and he is happy with how things are. I'm sure he is, living how he pleases to then come to you for guaranteed sex. Except he is using you and you are very aware of that.
If it's that you are scared he will cut himself off from his daughter then in my opinion I would take that risk because you can't protect her from his behaviour by sleeping with him. He should be seeing her, taking her out and building his bond with her and her alone not rocking up at yours and doing as he pleases.
If you are scared of him in the violent sense then I suggest you contact an organisation who can advise you further on how to deal with the situation. If you can meet him in a mutual meeting place that is safe and tell him it is over and he needs to see his daughter without what he has been getting along with it.
If you want to cut it off then you have to find a way, you are wasting your time with him and you know it x
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 January 2020):
 I don't think that it's about not wanting to make him mad, at least that's not the core issue. The core issue is that you're in a rut. You broke up with him because his direction isn't the same as yours. However, he's familiar, you have a child together, and his saying he wants to get back together feels really good.
You broke up with him for a reason. Don't ever forget that.
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