A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I met this man on an online dating site. The first time we went out he scared me be the way he was over excited to see me. He literally ran towards me to hug me I felt so frightened that I automatically put my hands up. We had talked on the phone for about 3 months and I really enjoyed our conversations. So when we met I didn't like him trying to hug on me in the parking lot. He was rather too touchy to me then he would do things like lick his salt off his glass in a very sexual manner.It made me laugh at first I thought of a cat licking milk. We didn't kiss said good night and went home. He called the following weekend to go to the movies but I told him I would take a raincheck and when he called the following weekend I was honestly sick, I had a very bad cold. The problem now is he called after a brief amount of time and we went to the movies and he was much better until I held his hand oh boy that man has octopus hands. I had to get up early for work and he thought we were going to hangout to later. So I received a text that said F^^^^you everytime I think about making love to you I have to duck. I told him I was not ready to have sex with him yet. The question is why can't I have sex with him what is it holding me back? The year end is a busy time for him but he called and wanted me to know he was still there. And when he called I was just thinking about him. I don't know if I can handle him working all the time and being with him. This is awful of me.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (8 December 2012):
 you need to listen to your inner voice. Our brains compute so many many clues from many many sources.
Some people call it intuition. But in truth your brain has absorbed so many non-verbal clues and you have no need whatsoever to feel any guilt about listening to your inner voice. You have no obligation to go along with this man's agenda. He wants sex. You want a relationship.
Despite all the talking, it would seem that his agenda is not your agenda.
Trust your judgement and stick with it.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 December 2012):
 You write: "The question is why can't I have sex with him what is it holding me back? ..."
Your answers are:
1. You can't have sex with him because your good sense keeps stepping in and reminds you that you DON'T WANT TO (have sex) BECAUSE YOU ARE PRETTY SURE (CORRECTLY!) THAT HE IS A JERK!!!, and,
2. What is holding you back is your common sense. Listen to it (that little voice in your head that sez: "Don't have sex with him because he's a jerk!!!!").
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2012): To add my voice to the chorus - I definitely think the voice is holding you back for the right reason. Alarm bells definitely ring if he doesn't respect your personal space.
If he is just after sex, he will prove that even more explicitly soon enough. Maybe he will turn out to be genuine who just overstepped the mark in his exuberance for you. Somehow though I think you may already have your answer as to who he is
x
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (8 December 2012):
 Hi
He obviously thought after 3 months of phone calls you were primed and ready to fall into bed when you met.
Your gut is telling you he is way too keen to do just that,somethings off,he's assuming.
Explain clearly you dont sleep with men after one or two dates,you need to get to know them properly over time, then leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 December 2012):
 Because he is FAR FAR to pushy and your GUT is telling you something is off?
Having talked on the phone for 3 months does NOT make it a relationship, yet. THAT takes face-to-face time.
I would be honest with him. Tell him that you are NOT comfortable with PDA and physical contact yet.
I think personally his coming on that strong is a red flag. Like Ciar said he is not at all concerned with your personal space or you being comfortable around him - it kind of sounds a little creepy to me.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 December 2012):
 This guy is way way way too pushy. No wonder you are hesitant! Your intuition is telling you something is off, because it sounds like it is. Like others have said he clearly has issues with boundaries and acceptable behavior. He may not be malicious in his intent, but this is a guy who doesn't take hints and doesn't understand boundaries, which is a recipe for disaster. It's clearly setting off your "creep" alarms. If I was you I would move onto the next contestant, this guy sounds awful.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (8 December 2012):
 The others are right. If you're looking for a lasting, meaningful connection that isn't based on sex then it is far too soon to be considering hopping into bed with him.
He is too hungry, too in your face and overly sexual with someone he's only just met. And that comment..'F*** you. Everytime I see you...' Did I interpret that correctly? What the hell kind of thing is that to say to someone?
The man does not respect your personal space, your boundaries. It may have seemed great online those three months, but that was because it was online. Now that he's met, he's assumed a familiarity that isn't there yet.
Frankly, I think his behaviour is a big enough turn off that I wouldn't want to see or speak to him again.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (8 December 2012):
 What's holding you back is your gut instinct screaming at you not to have sex! Our instincts are usually right.
I don't think the 3 months talking on the phone counts. So it's still very early days. And you're right to be put off by his overly sexual behaviour.
You don't have to have sex with him just because it's what he wants. Take it as slow as you want. Or finish it, if you have serious misgivings.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (8 December 2012):
Why on earth do you think you should be ready to have sex with him after only a few dates? You’re just getting to know him and already he makes you feel uncomfortable, sent a distasteful text message and you don’t think you can handle his working situation. Why have sex with some-one with whom the relationship is going nowhere? Instead, tell him honestly that you don’t think it will work between you, wish him well and go your separate ways.
I wish you all the very best.
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