A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been best mates with a fellow for around 15 years. I am 29 years old and gay. He is 27 years old and straight. He knows that I am gay.Over the past month or so, my strong friendship with him grew to the point where I began having feelings for him. I never felt like this before towards him and the feelings seemed out of the blue - I just couldn't make them go away.I decided this week to tell him how I felt, fully expecting that he would be supportive, but obviously telling me we would be no more than friends.I got the response I was expecting - and came out feeling reasonably good that I told him.The problem I have is that the past two days have brought on anxiety and stress over this issue - and I am really worried. I have the same symptoms as when I had the nervous breakdown when I was 21. I mean I don't want to have sex with him or touch him, I just want attention from him. I want him to be there for me.He has not been taking calls from me or responding to my sms's for a couple of days. This gets me extremely worried.He is in a 12 month relationship with a woman who has two young children from a previous relationship. He is dependent on her and her business however, he is always talking about leaving. She dominates him and treats him like rubbish and this really upsets me.So with all the issues he has going on at home:a) Am I selfish to expect him to respond instantly to my text messages and give me attention when he has a family of his own?b) Why do I feel like I am the victim here?c) How do I get these feelings out of my head/heart so that our friendship can go back to the old times?d) Was I in love and deep down, do I feel like my heart has been broken? Is this why I feel like I can't go on?e) Best mates for 15 years is amazing - considering we didn't even go to school together. After this issue, should I end the friendship and leave him alone now?f) Why is my mind trying to think about bad things he has done to me and others in the past? Is this my brain's way of trying to get over my love for him?Sorry about all the questions guys but I need answers - and fast! I can't function proporley anymore. All I do is sob all day. please tell me someone else has had a similar experience. I need your help! Thank You.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): i can so relate to this. what you need to do for your friend is give him space. in time he will realise how much he needs you in a non-gay way, and things will get back to normal. your feelings will sadly not go away, but find another person to show them to. remember your friend is straight, and that is not his fault, so stop thinking bout all the bad things he's done but all the good ones. think of him as the one that got away, but not really cause your still his friend and that will never change. don't go after the girlfriend, because if he loses everything there might not be any going back with your friendship. just be there for him when he needs you, and don't presure on him.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 you need to realise that he dosen't want a relationship so maybe not responding is his way of reducing the current tension between you two. although i am aware its upsetting you deeply.
just because you had a breakdown once doesn't mean it will be that intense again. negative feelings can overwhelm you but as an older wiser man you have better coping strategies. you will be strong within yourself and find ways to distract yourself (excercise/hobbies/other friends and family).
maybe you were in love with him for years but lied to yourself about it knowing how upset you would feel when you were inevitably rejected by this unavailable man. i have been there myself and it kills you inside, for a time BUT to get over him you need to spend less time with him.
make a break from him for a couple of months and try to get these feelings subdued then maybe you can move on. i had to break contact with my friend but if a relationship/friendship is making you feel awfull you have to cut the toxic nature of it from your life and move on.
get him out of your life for now and be free to heal
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