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Why am I so bothered by what my ex thinks of me?

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 November 2012) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 November 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am 38 and my controlling ex of 3 years just dumped me saying he cant give me what I want (a full time relationship rather than seeing him at week ends as we live an hour from each other)

He was a great guy to start with but the cracks soon appeared and he was soon criticzing the way I eat, the way I cut an onion, my driving etc. He could be really lovely but the road rage and his short fuse could not make up for this. He admitted he is a loner and finds that people annoy him.

I have been upset but calm and wanted my things back to which he replied 'No you will be emotional and I cant handle that' I told him to keep them as its not worth the hassle. Last night I got really angry for the way he has treated me and undermined me over the last 6 months and let rip. I was personal and told him he was crap in bed and a loser and just horrible. This is so unlike me as I never swear but I lost it.

I am now so angry with myself. I stooped to his level and am left feeling worse. I feel as if he has goaded me and has now told me to get a life and move on.

Why am I so bothered about what he thinks of me and how badly he has treated me. We have been apart for a month and I have been feeling awful, tearful and really low. I am doing my best to keep busy and move on but now I just feel worse. Any advice would be great, thanks guys : )

View related questions: move on, my ex

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012):

As with all serious relationships, its going to take time to heal. Continue to keep busy and hang out with friends and enjoy an outing or two by yourself. But don't worry about what he thinks of you. You are no longer with him and his opinion should mean diddly squat right now. He's the one with the issues so let him be someone else's headache! In time you will be okay. Have faith! Best of luck to you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012):

He was your boyfriend for 3 years, even though he didn't sound like a very good one. No one wants to be dumped or discarded like they didn't matter. We all do & say things when we're hurting.

I've been where you are. I've hurt over breakups and thought I'd never get over it. I took me a little over 2 months. Then one day I woke up & he wasn't the first thought in my head. I can look back & think what was I thinking being with someone who treated me like that. You know it seems like when you get to that point where you are over them, that is when they call you & try to get you to take them back.

Someone better is out there for you.

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