A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupids,I am a 35 year old woman, married with no kids. I love my husband and I love our life together. Yesterday he told me that his firm is considering sending him in a remote country 10hrs away by plane and he would have to work there for two months, then come back for two weeks and back again for two months... for a total of 3-5 years. He told me he can say no, but it is great opportunity for his career and he would earn three times as much as he earns now. He is very scared because he doesnt know how we could handle this- and me neither. I am sure this would be hell for me and I dont think our relationship (albeit being strong and healthy) could survive this. Also- his colleagues who went there all left their wives after a while and married some young locals.This whole thing is terrifying to me. Do you think he should go, earn the money and grow professionally? Do you think I should suck it up, stop being this way and stop worrying? Could a relatonship in those terms work?
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male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (31 January 2016):
If he goes, most likely the best situation is that you'll spend 3 to 5 years frustrated, missing him and worrying about him doing the same as many before him who have left their wives and married younger locals, and then he will return to you. And that's the best situation.
Is there a reason you can't accompany him? If not, I'd ask him to stay home. He may be able to find a better job locally at higher pay, making up for some of the money he'll miss out on by not leaving. It just doesn't sound like the extra money is worth the problems.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (31 January 2016):
 Do people have these type of relationships-yes. Do they work- some but not without a lot of commitment and trust while others simply don't. It is a very big ask of any relationship to live this way and one can not be all that surprised if things take a turn for the worst. Whether it's affairs or simple lack of quality or quantity time that wedges itself between a marital partnership, this lifestyle can put two people on very different paths. Might just sneak in and it's all that bit too late. Having said that, being supportive is just as important and selfish enough to say no for the marriage to survive the same. Double edged sword isn't it? Is there any chance/considered of relocating with him? I kind of see 3-5 years a long time living separate however 3-5 together in a new place, new start and opportunity something that may fly by. In my opinion and for me personally, I wouldn't be able to survive it un less I packed up and went too. All the best in finding a happy solution that works for both of you.
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