A
female
age
26-29,
*ewgia667
writes:Hi, my story is lengthy however I need advice seeing as I constantly am allowing myself to be in situations where I feel less of myself. I am 19 years old and I was never a huge relationship girl in high school because i valued relationships and thought of them as sacred and majority of the people in high school are immature and only care for one thing. I would like to say I am attractive and I generally am pretty confident. March of 2016, I met a man who had came to my friends birthday party. (She had a hotel for the weekend invited 2 boys to accompany us to go hangout and go to the casino.) I had no idea how much this person would soon mean to me. At first I met (lets just call him Jose) Jose I was not attracted to him at all. He looked old and weird, soon later found out he was 34 years old. The whole evening he must have been drunk because he kept saying the most crazy things calling me his girl etc just typical stupid drunk behaviour. He was very eager to have sex but it didn't happen because of some embarrassing complications… Due to those complications it made me very embarrassed (the first night i met him i had to go to the hospital), i was unable to have sex with him for a while like 2 weeks. He chased me and chased me and called means showed me attention and finally i responded and gave him attention because most of the time I'm very closed off. long story short i ended up falling for him and at first he would do cute stuff like make dinners, buy me flowers at least 1 time a week, pick me up every night from work and drive me in the morning at 7 am if i opened. very caring, he stated he was okay with me going out and going to clubs etc than later on he became very controlling, was not aloud to hangout with certain girls because they were "bad influences' typical controlling boyfriend. possibly 1-2 months into the relationship it started feeling as if i was putting more effort and wanting it more than him, it got really draining because he would always pin point something and i would get hurt and cry. he also is very friendly so he would always be adding random girls and commenting and saying inappropriate things and i understand some women are okay with that but some are not and i feel their should be a common ground of loyalty. It came to the point where i was doing so much i would go insane, whether cook him dinnersw and bring it to him or cheesecakes or constantly take him out for dinner buy him tops and gifts. I just felt the lack of appreciation and love and felt used which was weird because he's 34 and I'm 19 and it felt like i was the one trying. it came to the point where i became really low of myself got very sad and emotionally depressed and things ended badly.. A little bit with me getting drunk too often and expressing my feelings in a crazy way. 2 days after we broke up he ends up getting a new gf and they get a puppy and play house for a month or two… I actually was getting over him an starting to enjoy life when he messages me and I fall into the trap. This was sept 2016. I end up going to his house getting really drunk and of course we have sex but he was saying oh how much he loved me and missed me giving me the intentions he wanted to be with me. Few days roll by he is constantly texting me etc like acting like we are back together i see some shady stuff on instagram so i ignore him for a day and figure out if i really wanqtto do this… because at that point i could have said fuck it and moved on. but instead i allowed him to turn it into something thats my fault and how its me who's crazy and this. (typical controlling behaviour, never able to blame themselves) i send him a message about how he needs to figure his shit out and when he knows let me know and i didn't respond the rest of the evening the next day he creates some huge drama because his friend had messaged me and has been trying to be with me for awhile but i do not entertain it.. so anyways he had found out about that which i was not hiding at all. and began assuming things and called me every terrible derogatory name you can imagine. Imagine a grown 34 year old man belittling a naive 19 year old and calling her a c*nt, w*ore , every degrading name. It takes a toll, i forgave him after that and expected things to be okay. He continued being shady on social media, constantly messaging girls liking their pictures, i just said whatever because all i wanted was for him to see I'm not crazy and i can be normal.. I was with my friend tonight and i was telling her about how much i like this guy and she asks dif she can add him i said sure, he messages her ten minutes later saying we should go for a drink, how he's single and she's sexy etc, shares his number with her and goes about his day while in the same instant he is saying how he's happy to be with me. 40 mins later i call him and let him know wi was with her and i snap and i went a little crazy. now he is turning this into something like how i am unstable and take every little thing to heart and how I'm so self conscious and how he's single he can do what he wants (double standard though because when his friend messaged me i didn't hear the end of it) so pretty much blaming me and he does not say sorry once. To say the least I'm WELL aware this has happened because I've enabled it…… Jose shows me no love, no appreciation, nothing to give me hope yet i still adore him….. I don't like being alone and when I'm not with him i feel like somethings missing but i need to understand and value my worth and realize that each person in a relationship has standards but i am very possessive i can't get over things how do i positively take the next step to moving on. it destroys me that we can't be together but I'm tired of pretending that he isn't messaging other girls when he is, i was proven his loyalty and i don't want to look like a joke anymore. the sad part is i actually am starting to believe its me who's unstable i just question why I'm not enough for boys….thank you for taking the time to read my joke of a life right now-gia
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broke up, depressed, drunk, flowers, immature, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2016): This is a a blunt but simple answer. Don't get drunk and have sex. Don't date guys 15 years older than you, and who want drunk sex. Also, you can try to establish upfront that you want a relationship in the first place, if you didn't do that.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 October 2016):
 In his mind he knows deep down he is doing wrong, he is using his age to manipulate young girls. I think deep down you know that there is something wrong here and that is why you have not told your mother his age. She probably thinks this is just some immature boy, if she knew that he was a grown man off that age she would probably be horrified, I think you should be honest with your mother, she might be able to help keep you away from him in the long run.
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A
female
reader, TinyG  +, writes (5 October 2016):
I just read your post and it concerned me enough to get back to you. This man is not a good man!! This man has some serious issues.. your young and he is older.You could be forgiven as you are only young and relationships are a learning curve for you, but him, he should know better. This proves he has some sick sadistic streak and it boosts his ego preying on women trust me. He has made you a victim here.In essence somewhere in his past he had found out that controlling women suited him and his needs and unfortunately has played you hard. Please don't be discouraged,but,please never go back to him.Im telling you this from experience as an older women and of having a life time of abusive controlling partners it does a life time of damage. It hurts like hell now I know but what you have to do is take a deep breath and bounce his ass to the curb. Empower yourself and get your life right.. be a warrior do things experience life and take pleasure in achieving and doing things for you no one else. You dont need this at your age a relationship will come along one day when you least expect it but now concentrate on you, okay angel?My best to you ^_^
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A
female
reader, newgia667 +, writes (5 October 2016):
newgia667 is verified as being by the original poster of the question To the response given above! thank you for ur kind words and the truth, i appreciate it. I talk to my mom about it but I'm scared to truly tell her his age she thinks he's younger. my sister knows the full story and thinks i should block him… its just very hard to do but i need to value myself and see my worth. I have been manipulated and in his mind he has done nothing wrong and because of his age and so called 'maturity' he thinks he is always right which isn't the case… Thank you for the advice and i will certainly try to block him out and try and regain my worth and self confidence.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (4 October 2016):
He is not a boy, he is a grown man who should know better. No he does not love you, he preys on young girls, he knows just what to say and do to get their attention. Sweetie you have fallen under his trap, but please get out of it now. He is a dangerous man, he is controlling, manipulative and he will bring you down until you have no confidence left in yourself. He already has you feeling like you are unstable. At his age he is a lot more mature than you, well at least he should be and he uses this to try and make you think that you love him. He would never be faithful to you, he just wants fun. The safest thing you can do is tell a trusted older adult about this, can you talk to your parents? He is a dangerous man, you need to block him from your life and move on. Believe me sweetie in time you will find a man who loves you, but don't cling on to this one or you will end up in danger.
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