A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been married for just over a year I'm 23 and my husband is 27.We have been together for 4 and a half years and ever since we have got married everything has changed even though we have a daughter together and we lived with each other for 3 years! He seems disinterested in sex with me and never tells me I look beautiful and when we argue he calls me all sorts of horrible things and I mean to the point where you would believe he hated me and not love me as he says he does.Anyway recently a guy (customer) at work asked for my number but because of my job I do use my personal phone for work so I thought sure why not?Anyway he text me later that day showering me in compliments and it made me feel good about myself, something that I don't feel anymore because my husband never looks twice at me.He started asking if I wanted to go for a drink and I accepted and we met and one thing led to the other )as well as talking about my dwindling sex life and no emotion from my husband) it turned out to be the most passionate experience ever, he kissed me so longingly and we had the best sex ever where my legs where aching for two days later.I felt really guilty about this but we always seem to keep going back to each other, specially when me and my husband argue... which is alot, it has been for a while.The other day my 'lover' text me telling me he liked me which i responded 'You mean you like the wild sex' and he replied 'Yes, but I also really like you'He is 33 (10 years older than me)and in a relationship also and they have been together for about 4/5 years but says he isn't happy. I just don't know what to do because I do like this man and I love the sex and the passionate kissing but I also dearly love my husband,
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at work, kissing, older man, sex life, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2016): As long as you mention the affair you had and not just skip it and tell him you feel unloved ?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 October 2016):
 I also agree that you should be honest with your husband, sometimes secrets and lies have a way off coming out and it would be better he heard it from you than someone else.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2016): You have made the right choice OP.Good luck but I emphasize dont tell your husband about that one time fling because telling him will not serve any purpose other than causing a lot of heart ache and ill feelings. Remember we all make mistakes and have a skeleton or two in our wardrobe.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2016): I think you need to tell your husband everything. But also talk about the things that led to it. You feeling unwanted. Unloved. Then let him know the mistake and blame lies with you and you alone. And you have cut all ties with the douchebag and are willing to do whatever it takes to work on and repair the damage you have done.To not tell him is just adding to the disrespect and hurt he already feels, even if he doesn't know it yet.You made your choice. Now give him the right to make his.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for being honest.
We only had sex once, but after reading these replies it's confirmed what I was already thinking.
I will be cutting ties with this man, because I do dearly love my husband and it was a moment of madness.
I will sit down and have a chat with my husband about what is going wrong in this situation.
Thank you all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2016): I will be frank in my comment. Are there any reasons for him to try to escape from being home? Do you argue a lot when he is home? Do you have any diffrences of opinion and conflicting views on home issues? Do you nag him when he is around or everything is fine and you are in total harmony together? Because in real life these are reasons for a man to leave home on the pretex of work just to be away from the depressing atmosphere at home.
You have two options, either you decide to preserve your marriage and make the necessary changes and cut your relations with your neighbour and work on your marriage and in this case never tell your husband what happened because that will complicate the matter and probably end your marriage and if you can move house from where you live to avoid seeing this neighbour again.Or confess the whole thing to him and risk divorce knowing that your life together will never be the same again if he finds out.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (4 October 2016):
You should have worked on your marriage and not jumped in to bed with the first guy that looked at you. You make excuses as to why you have cheated, but there are no excuses, you are the one in the wrong here not your husband, you are the one that has cheated on him, lied to him, lied to your daughter, hurt her and her dad in the worst way possible. You need to accept what you have done, you need to learn to live with the guilt. How can you say you love your husband dearly but yet you have sex behind his back, that is not love. You love yourself more.
It is up to you now to make this mess right. Tell your husband the truth, he deserves to know what kind of woman he is married to. Stop seeing this older man that is also in a relationship, he can sweet talk you all he likes, he still has a woman he comes home to.
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A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 You are being used for sex. Your older guy is an awful man who preys on vulnerability and inexperience of younger women. You have no proof that he is unhappy in a relationship yet you willingly accept his word even though he is a cheater who is lying and deceiving his woman, which you know. If he is unhappy then why doesn't he leave his woman? It's rhetorical and you know the answer.
As for you, you should know better then to compromise your marriage for a man with whom you don't have future. I'd suggest you, first, check yourself for STD before you have sex with your husband because it would be totally evil if he was to get it. You having sex is exactly how troubled marriages totally break down. Instead of running to your husband to fix your situation, you run to a stranger who can only ruin your marriage completely.
You've let the evil genie out of the bottle here and it is hard to give you any advice that could help your situation.
You could stop having sex with the man, go no contact with him then never tell your husband what you did... but that is utterly immoral.
Or you could go the moral route: tell your husband and let the chips fall where they may and that means you will likely face divorce. Once divorced, don't expect your older lover to leave his woman for you. If anything, he will claim he never met you.
In either option, you will loose both men. You are in a very bleak situation and I really feel bad what you are doing your husband and your child.
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