A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey Everyone, I was in a relationship with one guy for about 2 years. In the beginning everything was great, he treated me like a queen and we could be together for hours and never get bored. He was dealing with a lot at the time, and eventually found himself getting more and more depressed. Soon he started threatening suicide if I did this, or didn't do that. Our relationship was really rocky and we broke up and got back together several times. We started to become mean to each other and knew certain things to say to make each other hurt. I'm not pretending to be innocent in our demise but the hurt and blame (I feel) is equally distributed between the both of us. Since then, we've both moved on to other relationships and we don't talk anymore. I'm with an amazing guy who treats me very well and we've even discussed marriage. My problem is, my ex has increasingly been on my mind. I miss him in my life and I miss his friendship but I don't know if that's all I'm missing. Since our breakup, he's turned into someone I feel I don't even know anymore. He does drugs, abuses alcohol, dropped out of school etc. My parents never really approved of our relationship so I know they'd be very disappointed if I went back to him. I'm so scared knowing he's still on my mind so often even though we haven't talked in months. From what I hear, he's happy with his new girlfriend and even moved in to her place. I know there's basically no chance of us ever dating again and I don't know if I'm ok with that or not. He was my first love, I don't deny that and I'm not sure if I'm sad that I've lost that?Why do you think that I'm missing someone who caused me such pain and does things I don't approve of when I have such an incredible man in my life that I could definitely see myself marrying?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): If he is abusing drugs and alcohol then he wont be the same person he was when the two of you broke up... You feel this way only because he was your first love and as a woman you have a protective(motherly) instinct towards those you love. If the new man in your life is a good one trust me you dont want to lose him for something you already know wont work(because you tried so many times.) I went through something similar myself and its not worth the heartache that your ex will continue to cause you if you try to get back in his life... he might even drag you down with him if you go back... my advice is just let go of the past and look to your future...history always repeats itself
A
male
reader, Solidus +, writes (14 October 2010):
 Just broke up with my girlfriend last monday. She an alcoholic, has depression, used to be a cutter and I know first hand that she's a slut. She's in a new relationship now, with a guy she met 2 wks ago at a bar who lives in Australia. did I mention she's a single mother with a bastard child from a one night stand she had at 16? Sounds like a catch huh? However, i'm also struggling with missing her friendship. Yes, We used to have incredible sex, but thats not what i miss most. I miss just hanging out and talking with my friend about movies and music. We spent the better part of a year together and I can't imagine just throwing away all that love and laughter. It hurts me to think that she could just ignore me like a stranger, but even though she's treating me like shit and I know that our relationship wouldn't have went anywhere in the long haul, I'm still staring at her pictures every night missing her the person. However, you my dear are doing way better than me. You have someone to warm the lonely nights and share all your dreams with. Trying to forget someone whom you've spent a great deal of time and effort loving unconditionally is hard. Its like telling your lungs not to breath. Instead of focusing on what you don't have focusing on what you do and how fantastic your future is going to be because of it. Make your vision of the future brighter than those of your past. I'm going to try and do the same. I hope this helps a little.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): Drugs, alcohol abuse and dropping out arent any qualities you want in a relationship, but if you're curious as to the person he's become then you can always be friends. Although, you may want to talk to your future fiance first to see what he thinks about it.
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