A
female
age
36-40,
*oilderswife
writes:Hi everyone! ok i have a problem its not serious to me but to my husband it is. ok we've been together since about a month b4 my 17th birthday im now 21{almost 22}we've been married 2 years and for some reason i just really dont have alot of interest in sex anymore. like when we were teenagers we had sex like rabbits here there everywhere lol{almost} and when we first got married it was like that too. Then he got deployed and was gone for 16 months and i was completely faithful and im pretty sure he was too. When he came home for about the first 3 months it was like nothing changed now im changing i dont really get horny anymore and alot of the time when i do he's not around.{he's been home now 11 months} and also like for some reason it kinda hurts when we have sex now. he says i dont get up on him anymore or im not freaky enough but i never really was and yeah i got up on him but im just not horny anymore. Is this normal i mean im only 21{i dont have any kids}im just going crazy. he wants it all the time but i find myself alot of the time just giving it to him cause i dont want him to cheat or find something else. Also when i do do that i do sometimes find myself starting to enjoy it then he gets off and messes me all up so then im horny and he's sleeping.so i find myself the next day playing with myself and then when he comes home im not horny or i just find myself going to sleep and not being horny period like i brush it off or something.why have i lost my sex drive at such an early age or is it just normal? what should i do.what can i do?
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horny, period, sex drive Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): My story is just the same! I think your reason may be that you went so long without sex, that it's not something you need in your life to be satisfied. As for me- Im about to be 23 and my boyfriend is already 23. He's my 1st boyfriend I met him when I was 20 about 2 months after that he broke my virgin and 2 months after that I got pregnant and every 2 weeks he would go on the boat come back for 1week and ever since i had my baby I havent been wanting sex ill just satisfy my self ever now and then.
A
male
reader, badoy +, writes (16 February 2009):
Hi, just wanna comment on your posted problem on sex drive. i personally dont think that you have lost it. it may be that you're not just in the mood whenever he is. doing it for the sake of your husband does not really help. i believe your husband is not that stupid not to notice the difference. he may play along with the rythem for the sake of satisfying it but i dont think he'd enjoyed it. i never enjoyed sex with my wife when she fakes it. i just know it. sex is for both of you to enjoy. you can hold on to your sex drive when you do feel horny and wait for him. it might help. playing with your self might sound good, but it's just unfair to him. you can even play together to add variety to your sex moments. i love it when i and my wife masturbate together. it's a great experience. it turns me on. in fact just reading your story and that moment when you said you play alone...it turns me on (lol) already. have a great sex with your husband...
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (2 October 2008):
 Hey, you never know, maybe the tools will bring out your freaky side, and not only will you get your drive back, but you will have a whole lot of fun doing it!
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A
female
reader, soilderswife +, writes (2 October 2008):
soilderswife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone for your replies i really appericate them i think it has alot to do with what almost everyone said ill try toys or porn or something i dunno i mean im kinda not the freaky type im more quite and shy but to keep my man happy ill try.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008): In addition to what lotus mama has said, there are other things to do and things to be aware of. The first is how much foreplay do you do? How much time does he spend on getting you turned on before the intercourse begins? Does he ever give you oral orgasms before intercourse even begins? I ask these questions because I didn't spend nearly enough time on doing these things when I was your age.
The other thing is do you or have you taken antidepressants or birth control pills? Both of these can kill libido. There are both antidepressants and BC pills that don't cause this side effect, but the ones that don't can be different for each woman. If you are on either of these or any other medication, you should talk to your doctor about loss of libido as a side effect, or look on drugs.com for the list of side effects.
The last thing is your hormone levels, although this is normally a male problem. It does sometimes affect women though and has beed discussed some on the woman's health forum of healthboards.com.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (2 October 2008):
Most all sex therpist will tell you to communicate the issue of not orgasming and feeling unsatisfied. This could very well be the reason of why you arnt feeling up to sex anymore. One other reason (it was for me) is that when the work day is done and you go to bed, you only have enough energy for sleep. Tell hubby you havnt had an orgasm in a long while, suggest possibly purchasing a toy that he could use on you after he has finished so that you, too, have a chance to be satisfied. Don't be shy about it, many ladies have this problem, I did, and my hubby is the sexiest man I've ever known! But, it is important to keep the sex life going with positive experiences. I solved my sex drive issue with good ol porn! Watch only with my husband, and it really gets the heat going in bed. Don't be shy to try new things. It could help to put you and your husband on the same page sexually. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): Sometimes when people are worried or stessed, sex is not the first thing on their minds. I think that when you are ready to have sex, your mind is relaxed and everything is smothly. I don't know, just quessing.
I would try when you do get horny, try waitting till he gets home. Do that for awhile, then maybe your body will think "oh, he is home time for sex" It is worth a try.
Also, try porn or toys to change your sex life around.
I do know that for a women, it dose start to change, you do start to lose your sex drive more then a man will.
It just depends on the person on what age they lose it at.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): See a gynecologist. The pain that you mention concerns me. Or you could just be feeling pain simply because you don't want to do it.
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