A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I fell in love with an old school friend 2 years ago and, after becoming friends all over again and getting to know each other properly, he finally noticed me earlier on this year and we began dating. Over the course of 6 months or so, he broke up with me constantly, stating that he wasn't sure of his feelings for me, and how attracted he actually was for me. Each time, after a few weeks, he would come back to me, most upset, telling me he had made a huge mistake and begging me to give him another chance ~(each time I relented. Finally, he has decided that he wants to be with me for good (after counselling and much praying - he is a Christian). Since we got back together again 4 weeks ago everything has been like a fairytale, absolutely perfect - and I have felt more in love with him than ever. He told me that I am the one that he wants to marry and I was thrilled to bits. Then, suddenly and unexpectedly, I began looking at him in a different light about a week ago. It is as though I had been looking at him through rose-tinted glasses the whole time and I have just taken them off. I still have rushes of attraction for him but there are other times when I look at him and question whether I do find him attractive, and have begun noticing little things about him that are putting me off, such as that he has a little lisp which I did notice before but never put me off, but now I'm finding a slight turn-off as it makes him sound a little effeminite. What is wrong with me?!!! Aside from these doubts, everything else about this man is absolutely perfect, he is the man of my dreams in every other respect. Why am I finding fault where before there was none? Is it simply a case of cold feet and is my mind playing tricks on me, willing me to find faults with him to ruin any chance I have of future happiness with him? Incidentally, my mum and dad had a very unhappy marriage with ended with my father's infidelity, could it be a question of me having self-destructive tendancies because of having seen my mum and dad's relationship go wrong?
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broke up, christian, fell in love, got back together, infidelity Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (3 October 2007):
You are acting shallow. The problems you see in him would be meaningless to a woman in love. Since you are not in love don't even consider marrying the guy.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (2 October 2007):
 I think you were chasing a dream; you had no time to stop and pause because of the various ups and downs and now you are faced with the hard reality of a day-to-day relationship with this guy. The first period of you dating was obviously still the honeymoon period and you didn't notice these things. That is one factor.
Another certainly will be the fact that he has blown so hot and cold with you and this can only have made you feel more insecure. I certainly wouldnt look for any 'self-destructive tendencies' at least not without knowing your relationship history.
My best advice to be honest is to give things time to pan out rather than make any snap decisions. Hope that helps, take care :).
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