A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:right so this is a bit of a weird question. for my past few relationships the girls ive seen have been classic narcissists. they made everything bout them, and it just got so that i couldnt stand it any longer and we broke up. but then i enter into another relationship like this! whats the bloody matter with me??? i think the last gf was a sociopath to boot. she had all the earmarks of one. was promiscuous, self-centered, no real feeling, etc. kind of scary actually. but at the beginning i found her the most sexy thing ever even tho I knew she talked rot half the time. i try to analyse myself and i think it has to do with a lot of things. i like the way these people think out of the box, i like the way they are unpredictable, dont say ordinary things. i like the tension too, like whos going to get their way.but i am afraid this is never going to end. i am just going to keep being drawn to these people like a mosquito to a candle--and eventually my wings are going to get burned off!ppreciate the help, thanks
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 I caught myself in the same cycle and trap, so I had to learn all I can about Narcs so I could recognize them SOONER and avoid them! There are some great websites out there about how to recognize these sorts of people earlier on.
Your question of WHY are you attracted to these sorts! Well, you have to think about what you are getting OUT of the connections.
In my case, I realized the person was VERY charming, fun, made you feel special, etc. Narcs ARE able to make you feel special for a temporary period to draw you in to their special club. Being their friend or lover is an addiction of sorts, you LOVE the attention and promises of what they can deliver. They remind you what they can bring to your life. They WANT you to accept and admire them!
Not surprisingly, when we get this sort of attention WE crave, we glow happily from the "love".
THEN, they turn on you if you do not seem to show appreciation and gratitude to be a member of their club.
When they are down/stressed/etc if you do not drop everything in your life to be available for them and understand their situation is far worse than what anyone else could experience...you lose favor in their eyes.
What they offer is NOT love. It's bait to lure you in and become the FOOD they need to consume to feel better about themselves. They need YOU to constantly love, encourage, flatter, etc. Yet, never return the love they once brought.
We stick around because we KNOW they are capable of giving that and we liked the feeling. We think it is just a phase. Then the Narc convinces us that we need to do more, that we are undeserving of their best they once gave so freely and unconditionally.
If you keep going back to Narcs and Sociopaths..you like the drama! When you stop liking it...you will let go and avoid it.
Being on a NARC free diet is far more peaceful for me!
A
female
reader, Vee1 +, writes (28 June 2011):
 Ok, you are attracted to the same prototype of women...is this because you are dismissing every other type so you only end up dating the same narcissistic group? Women like this will only ever appeal to you short term.
It might be worth broadening all search perimeters and give girls you normally would not go for a chance.
It might turn out to be a pleasant surprise!
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