A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why...Why?? I cant let this one go...my current boyfriend is an alcoholic,does not keep promises(says he will stop by but doesnt,says he will call but doesnt!),spends more time with his friends than me, dissapears on me from time to time when he gets depressed due to trying to stop alcohol(this is the 2nd time that I havent seen him in almost 3 weeks...I just heard from him by texts)treats me good most of the time, self centered( we do what he wants do when he wants to do it!),has no driver license(therefore no car!),makes barely enough to get by( which I dont care as long as he has a job!), says he loves me, says that I am the best thing that ever happened to him but yet does not show that he really cares!During the first break because he wanted to sort his life , I went NC and he came back ...just so he could dissapear again 1.5 month later! ...Why am I so attached to him? why do I keep loving him? why do I enjoy this emotional roller coaster that he puts me through??? AM I INSANE???...Could it be because despites all of his issues, he has the potential of being the perfect partner?..Could it be because I've never met someone with whom I had so much in common and wanted the same thing out of life ...but right now is not the right time(for him!)...I am going totally insane because of this as this has never happened to me before...usually I can let go without looking back but NOT with this man! We are both in our 30's , known each other for 9 months,chased me for 2 months ,going out for 7 months.I am so confused!
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (5 May 2012):
 You have become co dependant on him, maybe because your self esteem is a little shot!!
He isn't going to have the potential to be a 'perfect' partner until he quits the booze...nobody can...because alcohol dependant people are very selfish.
As the other aunts have said...you can't fix him, so it's highly probable that things won't ever change unless he fixes them.
Men can't be on their own, they are also rubbish at showing emotions and maintaining security when they have a whole load of problems. He needs you for what he needs...but your needs are not even on the chart!!!
It's called selfish behaviour and you have a clear choice to put up and shut up...or to leave and find someone else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): Tell him to give up alcohol or give up you, then you will see if you really are the best thing that's happened to him.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (4 May 2012):
 You want to fix him but you can't.
You say that despite all his issues he has the potential of being the perfect partner. You hang on to this idea, hoping that he will suddenly realise one day that his behaviour is wrong, he'll stop drinking, get a steady job and you will both live the perfect life.
That is very unlikely to happen. You can't fix his problems and turn him into your perfect partner until he decides he wants to change.
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