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female
,
anonymous
writes: Here I am married 10 years and trying to make the best of a romantically starved marriage. I am not one to throw out my dirty laundry among friends and family -- so I thought I would throw my true thoughts out there to whoever is interested in anonymous cyberland. Maybe along the way I will find my way out of this mess. I supposed to many I don't have much to gripe about . . . my husband is hard working and good looking. He has however, not a creative bone in his body when it comes to our relationship and it is slowing killing me!! I have pleaded, begged, and assisted him by planning all our date nights. I have been more creative / and interested in the bedroom than most husbands dream of and now I am at my wits end. I am handing over the "date nights" to him -- putting it back in his court. Although sex is great and frequent -- there is no spark left in my heart for someone who is so mentally / creatively lazy. I have come up with dozen of fun creative ways to surprise him and he comes up with ZERO!! I am sick and tired of carrying the load here. Who wants someone you have to beg to show their love to you! Maybe someone out there can tell me what I am doing wrong here? Am I crazy? Am I just a whiner? I have 3 kids that are young and divorce is not an option here . . . so I feel TRAPPED!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): I'm also married and have a husband who just seems lazy in that way. When I try to do something nice for him, he takes full appreciation of it, but I don't get anything in return. I've been begging him for months to do anything. Even something simple like making nice comments to me. I've done everything I can, begged, cried, pleaded and down right near to cutting off sex to make my point, but nothing seems to work. I'm also very frustrated.
However, I have found that if we take a short trip/vacation somewhere, even if it's just a few hours drive away, it helps for a little while. Maybe a vacation without the kids, even if it's just for a day or two, might help.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): Dear sister as a woman I udnerstand but for now try and not to see if he would do any thing for you but you just continue spicing your marriage it will work out coz i guess you sometimes yell at him and tell him why he doent do this and that. Be the loving caring wife you are and I asure you he will change once yu change your self. Suck that dick even if he anoys you... he will see that you are the only one that was meant for him and he will act.
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A
female
reader, flowergirl +, writes (23 August 2006):
 Sorry -- I am new to this -- I just wrote the last answer -- but neglected to write that I was the original poster.
I am thankful to those who responded.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): He was more romantic before we were married. We dated for 2 years. On another note, I sometimes feel attracted to men that seem more creative and romantic with their spouses and girlfriends. There was one man in particular that I had a secret crush on -- he is now seeing somebody and he whisks her off to weekends and long vacations that are completely a surprise to her, he makes the effort to plan it all and treats her like a princess. This is a friend of my husband and when he tells us of all the ways he woos her I just get sick inside wishing it was me. I my husband was my first and only boyfriend. I often feel that I missed out and wonder what it would be like to be out there dating again. I have 3 young kids that are full of energy -- they are overwhelming at times. I feel that a bit of romance would put some color in my life and make me feel like a girl instead of a tired old housewife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): Have you ever thought that it's because you are doing EVERYTHING he does not have a chance to do something himself for the two of you? You need to back off a bit, don't do anything for at least two weeks or so, then he will wonder what is going on and may question you, rather then you questioning and badgering him about organising dates etc. That way you can both talk about how you feel. Rather then YOU think what he can do for you to make things better, ask him what YOU can do for him to make him feel more at ease and more inclined to do the romantic stuff. It might be that he just does not feel the need to do all that stuff to show he loves you. Men feel that just simply 'being' with the one you love is enough and they usually leave the woman to organise everything anyway. Put the ball in his court, don't take control, relax and I'm sure things will be fine!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): Has he always been this way, or is this a more recent development in his character? Maybe he simply likes your ideas better than anything he comes up with. Talk to him about it. Ask him if he would like to plan a romantic evening for the two of you, or if he just likes things as they are. I have begun to see more and more that men seem to like routine. I'm not saying that men want the same thing, day in, day out, but a comfortable, familliar pattern. Perhaps he likes your romantic life to be so routine. He may find comfort in it. If he wasn't always this way, there is a much better chance of renewing the romance. Try visiting places that the two of you used to go when you were first dating. He may regain that "loving feeling" and turn up the heat for you. You don't have to feel trapped. Just tell him how you are feeling and ask him to share some of his fantasies with you. If, in the end, you still come up empty-handed, at least you can say you tried everything. I hope this has been of some help to you. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out for you. Take care!
~RJGirl
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