A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why am I always nearly the last one to find things out at work? everyone knows but me?This younger colleague (who works nights and I see in shift changeover)I have been working with for 3 years is leaving soon and everyone seems to know but me. I have worked with her longer than them and we have always gotten along ok. Not friends but good work colleagues..why didnt she tell me?? she told most others! regardless of their shift or age.. Im 40..I feel very left out and excluded .. should I wish her well even though she didnt tell me ??of course I will but feel very hurt.. I found out by overhearing colleagues 2 days ago and in a group email from the boss yesterday.why didnt she tell me??
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 February 2018):
 Is it in every case people don't tell you things, or are you just talking about this one time. If it is a case that people never tell you things at work then that is a whole different issue that you need to address.
Okay so this colleague is leaving, she works a different shift from you so you barely see her, I work with lots off different people, different changes off shifts. I can count on one hand how many people would probably go out off there way to tell me if they where leaving and well the rest I would imagine I would hear it second hand. As you said you are not friends so I honestly cannot see why this would effect you.
She probably didn't tell you because she only told people when it came up in conversation, or maybe she doesn't remember who she has told! Also I doubt she has told everyone else and not you, this kind of news spreads around and it could have all came from one or two people. It shouldn't matter what your age is or what her age is, you need to wonder why something like this would bother you.
If you feel left out because she did not tell you she was leaving then this says more about you as a person than it does her. Are you happy with life? Do you enjoy your work? Of course you should wish her well. Honestly there really is no need to be hurt by this. I am sure she did not purposely try to leave you out or exclude you. She is probably just focusing on her future and her new path.
You found out by people talking, which that is what happens most people talk and that is how this news gets out. Also your boss emailed you in a group email which was to inform everyone of it happening, if he excluded you from the email I would understand you being confused, but you where included. Try not to let things like this get to you or you will always feel hurt and upset. Try not to take things so personally.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 February 2018):
 Who knows?
Maybe she isn't sure whom she has told and whom she hasn't. I'm pretty sure she wasn't out to SLIGHT you in some unseen way. Or maybe she didn't tell someone until she had a new job or it was 100% certain she was leaving. So what?
You are actually more upset that she didn't tell you, than the fact she is leaving? Isn't that a bit telling?
Wish her well. Move on. You two weren't friends, just co-workers. She really didn't OWE you some kind of first dibs to any private information because you have worked with her the longest.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2018): If she's leaving, what difference does it make to you?
If she doesn't feel close to you or care to share certain information, that's her prerogative. You apparently didn't have any special relationship; so being first or last to know she's leaving is irrelevant. Well, now you know!
Why wouldn't you extend well-wishes? Is being professional and polite contingent on people sharing personal-information with you?
If you know she told everybody else but you, you apparently went around investigating to find-out. Be that the case, she didn't want you informing others before she did. Sometimes people judge you by your habits and reputation with others.
Anything else that is "work-related" that you're last to know; means you don't keep-up with your emails, updates, and notifications.
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A
female
reader, DancerGirl1984 +, writes (6 February 2018):
Why is it so important for you to know if she is leaving? So what you're the last to know. What importance does it have on your life always needing to feel included?
Wish her well and let it be the end of it.
You're wasting so much energy on something that has no significance on your life.
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