A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my b/f for 3 months and everything is going really well. We have great times together and had a lovely valentines day. The problem is that when i dont hear from him all day or he doesn't answer my tex msgs or e mails i get really upset and start to think 'oh well, thats that,he doesn't want to see me anymore'. He always eventually answers but why do i expect him to reply straight away? We have spoken about holidays and have meet each others familys and friends, why am i so paranoid that its all going to go wrong? I am 37 year old, and hes 33. Surely i shouldn't be like this. We have even used the 'L' word... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): Hun, you sound so scared and your fears are over-riding your common sense here. You got to get that under control. It's just been 3 months, you both are still in the building phase, in this relationship. All of us have various levels of fear when it comes to love. Some of us cope better than others. The only way to change is to accept the fears and not allow them to rule your relationship..is a change in attitude and how you view yourself..the self-respect..the postive thinking..the confidence! So many people fail to recognize that when we meet someone whom we can love...they put all their 'being' into that person. They forget to focus on their own sense of purpose, the other people they love (family, friends). In other words, they forget that this special person is there to simply share their life...not 'be' their life. You've become far to emotionally dependant on this other person and he will recognize thatand it could harm your relationship. What you need to realize, is that there is a 'neediness' is within you. So drop the needy feelings, gain your footing in life by not totally focusing 'everything' on this guy and focus your attentions on doing things for yourself! Like education, career, family, other friends, hobbies, interests. etc.
Self-care is crucial, hun--it build and fosters self-confidence and strength in a person. And when you live your life in a positive, proactive, happy way, you will find your bf will respect that you have other interests besides him and it shows your confidence, strength and independence. Believe me, he will love you all the more for it. But love is a risk, so try accepting in your mind, that if something bad happens down the road...it happens. Your state of mind is up to you. No one has any control over that. Once you accepted it..you have faced your fear. And once you have done that, you allow yourself to love fully without depending on someone for validation. Good luck, dear and be strong!
A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (16 February 2007):
I get like this to. Because your afraid of getting hurt and being alone, you go into auto-panic when you feel the salightest thing isnt right.I think the only way to calm yourself is say to yourself, i dont care if i get hurt...i am going to love and be happy while it is a possiblity. Thats what i did, and i guess after you have been together longer, you will settle down a bit more.
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