A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Right now my self esteem is a little low. I've been in a few long term relationships and every time I have ended up the one being dumped, and always for another girl. It's really getting me down. I feel as though everything is going fine, I totally fall for them and then I'm dumped for someone else. What can I possibly be doing wrong? I have given 100% in these relationships so I dont understand why it keeps happening!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 September 2010):
Hi there. It's possible that while you are getting to know each new boyfriend, (in the very early stages) and even over time, that you are really trying hard to do lots of things for them and in the process losing yourself along the way.
By losing yourself, I mean that you give up some of your previous life and interests to be with him and be available to him every time he calls to speak to you.
Women can often lose their sense of identity when they start to date men, believing they have to be everything to their new man. They often give up seeing their friends altogether, give up their hobbies etc., because they think that they should always be there when their boyfriend calls. They are in fact, afraid to say - "No sorry, I can't tonight - I am going to see my girlfriend, (or see a movie or whatever), .... ". In other words, they just don't like to say "No", because they apparently believe that that will be the end of the relationship. The truth is, that won't happen.
Women often lose their independence and instead can unintentionally become emotionally dependent on their new man. Unfortunately, this comes out as being anxious if he's late to arrive, or doesn't call when he says he will. Then when he does eventually call, the woman might say something like - "Why didn't you call - you knew I was waiting to hear from you", (or some such thing), and getting angry. It makes women act needy and desperate, which then causes men to withdraw and sometimes just stop calling altogether. They start to feel a bit trapped.
The guy then feels the pressure to be the one to make their partner happy, like he feels it's his responsibility. This can scare some men. Then it might end after that - without the woman ever knowing why. It's incredibly frustrating for women sometimes.
The best thing you could possibly do now, is to start believing in yourself again and also to gain some emotional independence, to the point where you don't really "need" a boyfriend anyway. I'm not trying to say don't want a boyfriend, more that you can be happy in or out of a relationship.
Realize that you deserve to have the best in life, and don't ever let yourself be mistreated or taken for granted. Start liking yourself more and accepting yourself unconditionally - always. When you live this way, your self-confidence will start to soar.
Self-confidence and independence and having an interesting life (of your own), are very attractive qualities for a woman to have. Men find this type of woman very attractive as well. Plus not always being available at the drop of a hat, makes a woman a bit of challenge - and therefore very interesting to men. They then have to try harder.
You can be happy by making your own life as interesting and exciting as it can be. See your friends, go and see a nice movie, start some interesting hobbies, have fun, laugh and be happy.
We are each responsible for our own happiness - no-one else. We each have to make ourselves happy. It's not up to our partners to do so.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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