A
female
age
51-59,
*airy Godmother
writes:Here is my problem...Colleagues and friends with a Virgoan man for 3 years (him 39 and me 42), occasional mild flirting from him but nothing more since both in relationships. Both our relationships ended (at different times) and friendship picked up outside work during last summer. Slept together once, lots of texting, a few really lovely days together where we got on so well. Some really meaningful moments from him as though he wanted to make a move or say something but it never happened and then days or weeks would pass before I saw/heard from him again.Said he wanted to take me out to dinner - name the day - but when I did he was busy. Came into my office in November and looked at me in such a way that I am certain he was in love with me, then nothing again. Went to his house before Christmas and had a lovely relaxed evening chatting on the sofa but as I left he kissed me on the lips and hugged me.I finally plucked up courage last week to ask why he took one step forwards and two back and got text back to say he just wants to be friends and apologising if he did kiss me on the lips but he didn't mean anything else by it.Firstly, you don't accidentally kiss someone on the lips and secondly, if you only want to be friends with someone, why would you risk misleading them by doing that?Please would someone help me? I'm trying to cut myself off from this non-relationship that is causing me so much pain but I weaken and wonder if there might be hope and he will sort his feelings out? Or has he just done that?I have stopped texting and deleted him from my phone but I have to see him at work. First day back today and he made a point of smiling and waving at me across the room. So hard. I love him desperately but what is this all about? All the benefits of my sincere friendship, care and attention with very little effort on his part.Is this a bad case of 'He's just not that into you' but why all the mixed messages then? He must sound awful but he is an intelligent, kind and caring man in many ways.Opinions and comments gratefully received, thank you. x
View related questions:
at work, christmas, flirt, mixed messages, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Fairy Godmother +, writes (6 January 2009):
Fairy Godmother is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you ladies for your helpful, kind and reassuring advice. I am an open and honest person and I have never been interested in game-playing, which is why in the end last week I just came right out and asked him what was going on. I don't know whether that was brave or foolish but I got my answer.
Yes, I'm getting through an awful lot of chocolate actually. Best so far was dark chocolate with gingerbread - highly recommended!
xx
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (6 January 2009):
 Oh, I hate those relationships that could have been so good, but one party backs out with a lack of grace. Sounds to me that while he likes you, he doesn't luuuuuvvvvv you. It seems that he tried to, but it just didn't click for him. It's unfortunate that you're the one with the stronger feelings; you're the one who gets to feel bad. Stinky, but I'm not sure one can assign blame in this situation.
I have to say that I admire your courage for actually asking him! Now that takes some guts. And it's kind of a good thing you did, because now you know where you stand, and you can move on from here. And you know your heart works, because it hurts.
So now you have to give yourself a little healing time, recognize that charming does not equal reliable, and get yourself out there with friends and new, fun activities. Go do some things that get your blood moving, your heart pumping and those yummy endorphins flowing through your system. And I find chocolate to be very useful in this things too. Make yourself some comfort food, or at least find the good take-out, nurture yourself.
And next time, don't put your heart out there for him too early. He has to earn you, right? You are worth it.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): I think by him sending you mixed messages he is confusing you even more. I dated a virgo guy for a while and he just seemed to be the same in that he's really into you one minute and the next he's gone. I think it may be to do with not getting to close to you if he does that then that may mean he is in a relationship with you. I had someone who wanted to meet me for a drink someone I hadn't seen for over a year I wanted to meet him but he said he had a partner so I said when his circumstances changed to let me know. Anyway after 3 months I decided to send him a friendly text to wish him a happy NY guess what? No response so maybe he just wasn't that into me but was going through a bad time in his relationship. At least I know now. So am concentrating on finding someone who wants to be with me and so should you. Don't worry our ships will come in soon. And if these guys do appear back in our lives we'll be able to say with a smile on our face that we've moved on. The pain will go away as soon as we let it go...hope this helps you. :-)
...............................
|
