A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. Newlywed who's only been married for a month and got a problem I can't solve.My new husband moved out a week ago, and moved in with his friend. His friend's wife left him for another man and moved in with the other guy who she'd been dating despite the pandemic. He claims the wife and her other man got nothing in common apart from sex, really.I feel angry and frustrated; I was only informed via text message, well, WhatsApp.I sent a reply saying "We need to talk" the other day but no reply yet.Maybe my mind's going crazy but I'm wondering why a guy would move in with his close friend jYust to provide emotional support.I mean, if a close girlfriend of mine was to have broken up with her boyfriend or husband, I wouldn't move in with them to provide support!! Particularly as a newlywed... this is weird.I actually talked to a friend about this, and she said there's only three explanations for this; either he's really doing what he said he is, or he's having an affair, or he's having a gay affair.I don't know if her theory is true, but I don't think it's likely to be the third. Although he's not homophobic, he's no ardent gay rights supporter either.But how likely could he be having an affair and this is a bogus cover story?I mean, no obvious signs. No odd spending habits (aside, maybe, from bulk-buying of pizza and ice-cream, which he claims "a good way to get you through lean times, pizza's cheap and easy"), no new clothing or grooming habits, no odd phone calls.Maybe it's just because my mom taught me to be a skeptic and not take things at face value, but then again, I grew up in a not-so-nice neighborhood as a teenager and life was OK there. We were only there because Dad lost his well-paid job and Mom hadn't got the job she really loved yet; a job which requires networking.Am I wrong to be this way, does it make me look like a bitch with no sense of humor or in this Information Age, make me seem like a good girl?I'm confused as hell about why my husband did this.I don't remember him telling me about a friend having marital problems; usually don't these things get into people's social networks after some period of time?I thought we knew each other really well.After all, we've known each other since I was 13 years old.I'm not sure if divorce is the answer yet, after all marriage is for hard times not just good, but this is definitely our first big argument.Pre-marriage, just living together, the biggest argument we had was over who took the garbage out, and when to have Chinese. We weren't 1:1 on everything, no-one is, but we had similar mindset on the big things.I am really unsure how to deal with the situation.I don't want to appear as the bad guy, well, bad girl, but don't want to be the fool either.
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affair, cheap, divorce, friend's wife, moved in, moved out, period, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kenny  +, writes (27 May 2022):
 This is really odd behaviour, and there is no way that you would ever be the bad guy as you have absolutely done nothing wrong at all.
I am kind of leaning towards it being a excuse to get out or leave this marriage. There are many ways to provide emotional support, being there in person for a few hours during the day, phone, text, email, etc. Why on earth he would feel the need to actually move in is perplexing to say the least because there is no reason why he would have had to do this, especially after only one month of marriage.
For something as big as this you should of at least being informed in person and had a chance to discuss this like adults and discuss why he is doing this, how long he will be etc.
Being informed by text is a huge red flag, and not responding to you after you replied is also another red flag.
Do you actually know the address of where he actually is, where he has moved into?. If you don't then this is also another huge red flag.
We could go on and on, there are too many things about this that just don't seem right to me, its just not normal human behaviour.
So for that reason just to cover you I would seek some legal advice to see where you actually stand. I know you say you don't want to go down the road of divorce just yet and that't fair enough, just obtain legal advice.
You say this is your first big argument, but its hardly an argument is it. You never had a shouting match and he stormed out and never came back. He just up and left after one month of marriage leaving you wondering what the hell is going on.
This is all wrong, you are his new wife, he could of helped in friend and been there for him any many other different ways, which is why i think its all a lie.
Seek legal advice sooner rather than later.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2022): Maybe you should consider an annulment or a divorce. He apparently doesn't want to be married, or felt pressured to marry you and greatly regrets it. If all of this is such a mystery to you, then apparently the marriage is a scam; and you left-out volumes of details in your post.
You don't mention how you met, if he is a foreign-immigrant, if you met the guy on the internet, or if this was some wild whirlwind-romance you got yourself into. None of it makes any sense.
If you got yourself a "mail-order" husband from a foreign country off the internet, don't be surprised. This is usually what happens.
You may as well file for a divorce, when a man you've barely been married to for a month moves-out to be with a friend.
Seems to me somebody scammed somebody. It doesn't necessarily have to be the husband!
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