A
female
age
36-40,
*eller
writes:Okay, this is a long story and I'm sorry for making you all read it. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 4 months ago. After about a month of being broke up, we got together at his house to talk. We ended up having sex that day.. I'm not sure why, but we did. 2 weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant. When I told him, he ignored me for 2 weeks. He wouldn't deal with it at all, and when we finally did talk about it, he just yelled at me over and over again to "get rid of it." I let him yell, becuase I knew he was upset and had to get it out, so I took whatever he threw at me. Finally, he tried to make a deal with me: get rid of it, and there's a chance of us being together again. Well, firstly, I told him I would not do something like that for a CHANCE of us. After a while, he told me he wanted to be with me, a lot, but he couldnt if I was pregnant because it was too hard. He said it wasn't a chcance anymore, it was a guarantee that we'd be together if I got an abortion. By this time, it was March. He said if I got it done, and soon, we'd be together by the end of March. I told him that if that was the only way he'd be with me, he wasn't worth it. But... he convinced me, and I believed him. I got the abortion, which I REALLY regret (so please don't harp on this). The end of March came and went, and he said he just needed some moer time to get over the pregnancy, so he siad around mid april... mid april came and went, and now he's saying the beginning of may. BUT, he never talks to me except online. He says he doesn't want to tlak to me anywhere else becasue it depresses him because he feels bad for what he did to me. He STILL says he wants to be with me, but that he needs more time. It's sad, because I believe him... even though I'm fairly sure he's messing with me.So, my question is... whta can I say to him to get him to tell me the truth about whether he's "coming back" (in his words) or not? and to make him realize that he's treating me horribly, considering everything I;ve done for him? Well... thanks for any help you can give. I feel horrible about the abortion and wish I hadnt done it, but it was a mistake in judgement... so any help would be appreciated.
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female
reader, angelfire02  +, writes (15 April 2007):
He wasnt ready to be a father, and the only way out for him was to LIE and tell you if you got an abortion, then he could be with you. I highly doubt if that will ever happen again. You have to except the loss (as hard as it may be) and move forward with your life, because he has NO plans on ever coming back to you!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2007): Hi, firstly I an sorry at your young age you had to go through this. I don't think having the abortion was a mistake in judgement, you are too young to have a baby and you are single and you have a lot of growing up to do. It is my belief that you as a young woman should never expect to be taken care of by a man, and never expect that getting pregnant by a boyfriend will bond him to you forever....it more often than not has the opposite effect as it is an unwanted pregnancy. You feel resentful because you made the decision to have the abortion to please him....this just shows me how really confused you are and how desperate you are to have a man, you would do anything to try and keep him. What about you? Who are you, what do you stand for, and what do you want to achieve in life, what do you want to accomplish besides getting a man?
A child should very much come into the world wanted and loved, in your case, your boyfriend most definately did not want to be a father, and I think he was very desperate for you to terminate the pregnancy and said what you wanted to hear to make that happen....and now he is not stepping up to the plate with the promise of a relationship with you....I don't think there is a lot of hope here from what you say....for a relationship with this boy.
I know it is hard and you feel used and abused, and I can sympathize with that....but please try to learn from this lesson the serious consequences of having unprotected sex out of wedlock.....and as a young woman without an education and a means of supporting herself....an unwanted pregnancy can devestate your young life....
Please take your time and get to know a man first before becoming sexually active....find out if he wants you and cares enough about you to just enjoy your company without the sex, and try to find out if he wants the same things that you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2007): Keller, I should also add that I am sorry you feel so bad about ending your pregnancy. Its a serious decision, and very hard. However, I do hope you can learn to forgive yourself. Perhaps some counselling might be in order to help you come to terms with the grief you must be feeling over your "mistake in judgment"?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2007): He sounds very manipulative to tell you to have an abortion and THEN he might get back together with you. He was leaving you without options.
Now he realizes he treated you badly and he doesn't feel good about that. Unfortunately, the fact that he keeps telling you he needs more time, and also he won't talk to you except online, I think gives you your answer regarding telling him how horribly he behaved toward you.....he already knows, and he does realize how much you wish you hadn't let him force you into having the abortion.
It sounds as if he is not going to "come back" - at least, not any time soon. If you feel fairly sure he's messing with you, then there is a good chance he is.
Why don't you just give him his space and don't contact him, don't try to tell him anything? He MIGHT decide to get back with you on his own if he feels he's not being pressured - but don't count on it! If he broke up with you four months ago, there must have been something about your interaction that wasn't working for him, after all.
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