A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Heya everyone =)Ok, well I've just had a beautiful baby boy, we got home from the hospital yesterday. I'm finding things hard but he is definitely worth it... I love him so much. Me and the father are no longer together (His choice, not mine. He orignaly didn't want the baby.. he wanted me to have an abortion but I wouldn't/couldnt.He said he'd be involved.... but wasn't at all keen. When discussing names he told me that'd be easier for the baby to have my surname, as he'd be living with me etc... But he's now saying he wants the baby to have his surname, even though he's barely going to even see him... I don't think this should happen because my child will just be confused... and we agreed he'd have mine...I don't want to row about this... but what can I do? What should I do?
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female
reader, carebear +, writes (12 November 2008):
 HiCongrats on your baby, start as you mean to go on dear , your b/f has not proved himself you have taken all responsibility give the baby your surname as he/she will be living with you and you will shoulder most of the upbringing and care support for your baby. No mother wants to deny her baby anything but you have to have your head screwed on do things the correct way I agree if he wanted baby to have his name he should have married you.Also as Dr Pete advised if his name is on birth cert he will still have to apply for parental rights ( his choice) BUT YOU ARE THE PRIMARY CARER for your baby and you will do a great job I hope... enjoy!
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (12 November 2008):
 Yours, if he wants a child to have his name then it is simple, marry the mother.
He is on an ego trip, nothing more nothing less. Do not take wanting the bragging rights of having a kid named after him with wanting to be a father.
Furthermore, how do you think another man you might meet would feel not just raising someone elses kid but a kid with another man's name?
Childeren should always get the mothers last name, if that happens to be the same as the fathers, through marriage, so be it. He wants the perks, but not the responsibilties.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): I personally think your child should have your surname as you love the child, want the child and will be raising the child. Try and explain the reasons why you want your child to have your surname - i.e. you will be raising the child and it would be easier etc. Maybe as a compromise you could make his surname the baby's middle name or one of them?
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (12 November 2008):
 I too don't know about the legal restrictions/possibilities, but I can understand if you in this situation would want only your surname for the baby.
On the other hand, maybe the father eventually will come around even though first reluctant to the idea of being a father. To include him in this by giving the baby his name too could maybe help him finding a way to be comfortable being a father for the baby even though you two are still not together?
Maybe a double barrelled surname isn't that bad, and later on in life he could himself make the choice in between them if he would like to keep only one of them.
Hope you'll find a way to solve this without having to have any rows or conflicts.
Best wishes!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008):
If the fathers name is going to be on the babies birth certificate then he automatically has legal rights including being part in agreeing the babies surname.
This is a bit of a legal mine-field. If you are adamant that you don't want his surname as the babies (or you don't want the baby to have a double-barrelled surname) then you really do need to get legal advice about what to do.
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