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female
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anonymous
writes: I have never been one to do something so terrible as cheat on the one I love, until a few months ago. I play it back what should have happened, why it didn't, what to do now. My husband and I have been together for X amount of years and have an X amount of year old. We had been having some problems and whatnot and I went out drank one thing led to another and bam the one night stand. I knew the guy but have nothing to do with him now. I don't want to hurt my husband, it would just kill him if he knew. well as for the conception date it is right on for the one nighter but i stoped it before climax and a condom was used. the one nighter says not to worry that there is no way it's his. I am terrified to think that this could be the one nighters child. I don't know what to do at all. I had an abortion when I was younger told myself I would never do that again, and I won't. I have dreams that I have a baby that looks nothing like my child that I now have. I am so lost and scared....
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (21 July 2006):
 Tha is a very very sticky situation and I can tell you now on this site people don't take to kindly to cheaters. I in turn am the exception for I was once in your shoes. The guilt will eat you alive. You have betrayed trust and that is the hardest thing to deal with in yourself. Your husband will be hurt and brokenhearted. First things first, think if you confess what the reprocussions will be in your state as you are pregnant. That kind of emotional distress is bad for your child. If you hold it in that guilt and not knowing will eat you up. Either way you have to think about this child. From what you described its most likely not the one nighter's but you never know. I would pesonally confess as to ease the pain for yourself. Your husband will of course be upset and maybe say alot of things he doesn't mean out of anger. Expect it. Then comes the healing process. Most times it will be easier done without the obvious. You could be carrying another mans child and for your husband this is a constant reminder of your infidelity and also not knowing adds to this stress. You have to take your lumps. I know you didn't want this and regret it everyday. I too had these feelings. It gets easier but for me it still lingers. the hardest thing to deal with believe it or not isn't the child but the hurt you caused the one you love. It will work out. It doesn't seem that way now but it will. Your love will prevail and the trust can be rebuilt over time. I wish you the best of luck and hope you can be strong thru this whole ordeal because your babies life depends on your strength. Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006): Why would you want to jeapordize your marriage? Why would you want to hurt him and in result, hurt yourself? Who do you have as friends and family? Why would you not feel the need to talk to your husband and work on things?
The guilt will be your undoing. You need to confess. It is up to you to decide when and how but honesty, in the long run, is the best thing to do.
I suggest marriage counselling as a trained professional knows best on how to aid you in your time of need.
You need some personal counselling to discover why you would do such a thing and believe it would help/hurt you. You need to know so you do not repeat your actions-turning to another and not your spouse shows you lack trust, intamacy, repsect and those need to be addressed.
What a horrible position to be in. I want you to be happy as I can really see the possible end of something beautiful and good.
Seek professional help for you and for your marriage as well.
Also get some dna results. Either the one night stand is or your husband. Bloodwork could help.
In the end, you will need to confess, work on the cause of why you would want to turn to another man.
Accountability is hardest to take on when you knowingly commit to doing something wrong and hurtful regardless if you didn't intend to hurt your husband.
*hugs*
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