A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi thereI had been dating my now wife for 3 months and I asked her to marry me, 1 year later this came true. I am happy and everything is going well. The problem I have is that last year about 8 months into our relationship we went through a bad spell. It only lasted a few days and it only got better after. Looking back I remember that my now wife was spending not a massive amount of time but a noticeable amount more with a guy next door. This guy is a friend but ever since one day back then he was funny towards me and has been since. He rarely looks me in the eye now. Me being paranoid I looked at his phone to find nothing incriminating so I left it at that but I found out the other day that he mentioned this to her but up to this weekend she never mentioned it to me. Am I totally paranoid or did something go on. I don't know how to broach this situation with her as I know it will lead to her thinking I don't trust her when part of me thinks I am just playing mind games with myself. Is it insecurity? Please help Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, KickRox  +, writes (27 January 2009):
 I wouldn't mention anything unless you have evidence..Otherwise, things can get ugly and she'll just accuse you of being insecure. If this happened awhile ago, just let it go! But if it's happening now, then sit down and have a grown-up conversation. Tell her it's bothering you taht she spends a noticeable amount of time with this guy, ask her if she's happy with the way things are going in your relationship. If you know her well...you'll be able to tell with her response if she's lying or not (no eye contact, hesitates, things like that). I'm sure you'll feel much better after that talk with her.
Good luck and keep me posted!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): you have no way of knowing if she did anything or not unless you ask her…and even then she might lie if anything did happen…
i wouldn't say anything to her unless you start to become truly unhappy in your relationship…otherwise, she'll just get pissed that you accused her of something like that…esp. if it turned out that she didn't do anything…
don't say anything unless you have actual dirt on her…or you could say something along the lines of…"there has been something that has been bothering me lately…probably b/c of my own insecurities, but why do you spend so much time w/ that guy…i think it would bother you if i were spending that much time w/ some other girl alone…i just hope that everything is alright between us, and that you are happy with me"
...............................
A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (26 January 2009):
 Well personally I think you are winding your self up so much that you see things that are just not there.
You maybe right, she may have done something like kissed this guy when you went through your bad patch but then again she may not have done and lets face it, its very unlikely you will ever find out one way or the other.
She loves you and married you and if she had wanted this guy she could have finished with you and gone with him.
If you dont give up this silly quest for knowledge about something that probably did not happen, then you face loosing her and your friend through lack of trust and driving yourself mad as well.
Best way to force someone into doing something they have not yet done is to accuse them of it.
Trust is the basis of everything in a relationship, so give it up and enjoy your life with your wife and move on.
...............................
|
