A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Something horrible happend to me a few months ago. and since then I have lost respect for my bf.i've tried to put it behind me but it keeps replaying its self back in my mind. One day my bf was meant to collect me from work. i received a text from him saying that he was unable to come for me because of a meeting that was starting a 4pm.later on that eve... at 8.22pm I looked out of my window and saw his car drive past my house and enter a road opposite my house. he parked out side a house and to my disgust i saw a girl who i have seen around town enter his car! he drove off.this girl is known as the city bicycle!!I called up my bf and said who is that girl i see getting into your car? he said '' i'll call you back i m driving''.i called again shouting who is she? he said '' cant you understand english i will call you back''. he then put the phone down.i called again and said ''is she your customer!!!he said ''no its nothing like that''. its my friend iv known her longer than you''. i asked where are you going? he said ''its got nothing to do with me''. i then said '' i hope your happy!!''.i then pit the phone down.later that eve at 10.35pm my bf called me but didnt speek. all i could hear was silence.i put the phone down. he called again and asked ''what was all that about''. he sounded funny he kept stammering. i said to him that i didnt want to talk. The next day the argument continued. I asked again where did he go with this girl.he would tell me and insisted it was none of my buisiness. I asked if she went back to his flat? he said'' so what if she was to come to my flat its got nothing to do with you''. so i said'' so she went back to your flat then?''. he then said stop putting words into my mouth.i finally said to him you do what ever makes you happy. and then he had the cheek to say ''i guess this will give you an excuse to meet up with other guys?The point is everytime i tell this story poeple get heated up! he was also concerned about how many people I told about this inccident.people think that he slept or had some kind of intercourse with this girl because he was so secretive about where he was taking her.the girl involved now is affraid to contact him and said that she doesnt want to come beween us.i still see that girl she keeps wondering the streets and i have seen her waiting around in an ally behind my house. iv seen her getting into a car that has recently stopped waitng around outside her house. can you blame me for thinking she something nasty!!! People are saying it could be an ex?please help?
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Congratulations! You have done the best thing for yourself! If he comes back groveling and begging for your forgiveness, do not give him the time of day! He has shown his true colors, and he will show them again. Take some time to get over him, and when the time is right, go find yourself a man who loves and respects you! Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the really good responses! i have decided to dump him! iv put up with so much more rubbish and i have had enough!
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (25 January 2011):
I really like rdbrown's advice about instilling a positive outlook on life. However, this requires cleansing one's life of negative influences... rather than ignoring them. That being said, you really should get rid of your shady boyfriend.
Think about it... if your boyfriend's friendship with this woman is completely platonic and innocent, he wouldn't have a reason to be secretive. Instead, he refused to admit whether or not they went to his apartment and told you it was none of your business. Clearly, this man has no respect for you... and his defensive attitude speaks volumes.
It's been several months since this incident took place, and he still won't tell you what he was doing with this woman at 8 pm at night! Why would you accept this? You deserve so much more. You noted in your post that, "everytime I tell this story, people get heated up!" Yes, that's because your boyfriend is evasive, defensive, disrespectful, immature, and untrustworthy. Believe me... you do not want to spend the rest of your life with someone like this.
If you truly want to salvage this relationship (which I don't advise), you need to get some couple's counseling.
Please let us know what you decide to do. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): Being in similar situations,him saying ''i guess this will give you an excuse to meet up with other guys" in your sitation, as it is, would be enough. I wouldnt even bother asking anymore questions. You are probably there spying,watching his movement and hoping you have got it all wrong. More discoveries will soon follow,you are then not recognising who you anymore. He will be turning you into an insecure,paranoid wreck. Soon everything will be your fault. Its your behavior what is now being seen by him as unreasonable or he may say he`s being mentaly abused, or you drove him to it.Anything but I had a choice and I chose to cheat. Remember,it will always be your fault,and trying to reason with someone unreasonable will leave you totaly confused and just doesnt happen.You know what to do really,so do it now while youre still in one piece.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): You need him to be perfectly honest with you on this. The only way to move on from this is total honesty on his part so you can deal with it. If he is cagey and vague then I would question if you want to be with him. Going forward you are going to agonise about this till you get some resolution. Once trust is gone its hard to get back. But there may be quite an innocent story here - but if it was an ex you need to know so not to have these very wild imagings.
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A
male
reader, rdbrown +, writes (25 January 2011):
I'm sure that this plays on your mind hugely! I was in a destructive marriage where my (ex)wife cheated on me constantly. The difference there was that she shoved it in my face so many times that I couldn't ignore it!I think in your situation, depending on how much you trust your boyfriend on other matters, and how much you love/want to be with him, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.There's a great book from the 1930s (it's for business...but really about self improvement and positive mental attitude) called Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. He talks in great detail about making your own destiny etc, but the crux of it is about completely stopping negative thoughts entering your mind. While I'm not sure you need to become Alec Baldwin from the Friends episode where he's dating Phoebe (you might have to search Youtube to find the clip! It is funny!), I do think there's something to be said for being positive about everything.Let's put it this way, say you can't let go of the incident between you and your boyfriend, and you become increasingly distrusting and negative about your relationship with him. The more negativity attracted to your relationship, the less he'll be inclined to make it work, however, if you can instill a HUGE amount of positivity and happiness in the relationship he'll reciprocate because he'll be happy to be with you and you'll be able to move past the incident.My tips:1. BUILD BRIDGES. If you see the girl in the street, and you feel safe to do so, maybe just smile at her in a sincere way. If your boyfriend is saying that nothing happened, then give him and her, the benefit of the doubt.2. Stay positive. If you find yourself feeling negative, try and reaffirm your belief in the good points of your marriage. YOU WILL FEEL BETTER! Positive thoughts subconsciously attract other positive thoughts, just like negative ones do.3. Laugh...as much as possible. Here's a good starting point: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ellnbT70Gbo (Made me laugh anyway!!)I'm certain, if you stay positive and put the past out of your mind as much as possible, you'll both have a long and healthy relationship!Let me know how it goes!
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