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age
41-50,
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writes: I now have an STD. I feel soooo unlucky. Since my ex left me for the other women i tried to move on from him. I met someone at a bbq and 6 months later we slept together. The condom came off inside me (I dont think it fit him correctly). He also performed oral on me and looking back I remember that he had a cold sore and that is why I wouldnt kiss him. I know that I am stupid mother who has messed up everything. I feel so down like my life is over.My ex sent me an email last friday saying that he wanted us to give our relationship anothe try. I do (did) to for the sake of our three kids). We slept together unprotected on sunday and by tuesday we both came down with symptoms of an STD (Genital herpes). Both still awaiting test results. He said that this has changed things so much and that he no longer wants to be with me, he is affraid as am I we both have been tested for HIV as the guy I slept with was from nigeria. I just feel like everytime I am moving forward something sends me right back. I feel so alone, trapped, scared and stupid. In my whole life I have only been with my ex partner and I slept with this guy only twice (3 weeks ago). My partner claims that he used protection the whole year with the girl that he had the affair on me with although he tells me that she told him once that she could have been pregnant wiith his child but later told him she made it up. He also told me that a girl performed oral sex on him in his car a couple of months ago.Who do you think passed on the infection. He blames me and I do too but can I really be sure that it was me who gave it to him. I feel so awful and I know I have made the biggest mistake of my life by sleeping with someone else outside of a committed relationship.arrrrrr I hate this so much I feel anxious and just want to crawl under a rock and hide. I feel like giving the kids up as I cant cope with this especially when I was already trying to come to terms with our breakup and then the notion that we were gonna try again. He said he wouldnt settle down with anyone but me as I had his kids. That was only a week ago. I feel contaminated I wish I could still say that I hadnt been with anyone else but him but I cant. Am I a stupid slut or what? Sorry I just cant stop crying.
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affair, condom, herpes, hiv , move on, my ex, oral sex, std, trapped Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou everyone for your advice. I got my test results back today and as suspected I have got herpes simplex BUT luckily it is type 1 (the milder form). The health advisor said that it is more likely that I got it from the guy with the cold sore and that is where I feel I got it from deep down. As for my ex I dont trust him but this has definately helped me put closure on our relationship as it proved that he never really wanted to be with me. I still feel sad about having this but after much needed reading and research on the topic it doesnt feel like a death sentence. Although I have decided to never have sex again!!! Unless I am married to the person. That is a personal promise.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): As someone with the virus, please, your first outbreak happens usually very quickly after initial exposure. You may or may not ever have another outbreak; however, you will harbor the virus. There are drugs that you can take every day to supress the virus if you are prone to repeat outbreaks, which also lessen the chance of ever passing it along. I would be very suspicious of your ex, although the cold sore is definitely a culprit as well. When you get tested, the test will define whether you have type I or type II (one is genital, one is oral). Don't be depressed, more people have it than you realize, some of us are never bothered by it ever again.....
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A
male
reader, Andrew83  +, writes (27 April 2008):
 There is in deed a chance you dont have an STD, if anythin a 50 50 chance so dont look at it as though its over.
Its possible to get it sorted before things really do get worse aswell.
Take your mind off that and put it on your kids till you have the tests back, have no sex with anyone else till your clear and always wear protection at all times durin sex. If in doubt with anyone new, get them to have an STD check-up but still wear protection. Having sex isnt to be taken litely at all.
Get that tests back and move on with someone new is my advice here.
The best of luck for you with the tests
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A
male
reader, gayuncleandy  +, writes (27 April 2008):
 Your instinct to hide is correct. Hide from sexual contact from all people for a couple of months while you get the STD thing sorted with medical professionals. Herpes is notoriously hard to test for so don't be too concerned about that. Test for all diseases until the medicals say you are all clear and then be much more careful and selective in the future. Don't blame yourself, but take it as a time to retreat and to pay attention to your children. Focus on them, not you, until the tests (and please please do take them) are through.
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A
female
reader, trixi +, writes (27 April 2008):
 first thing's first,have you had treatment for your infection?
until you have you should not be having sexual contact with anyone before you have been given the all clear.
if you'r not clear the infection will only spread round & thats how these things start in the first place.
because both you & your partner had sexual contact with other people outside you'r relationship its hard to say were the STD come from.
if you'r thinking of going back to you'r ex then make sure he is clear of any infection before you have sexual contact with him.
you are not a stipid mother so dont be so down on you'r self.a accident has happened & you'r going to fix it.STD can happen to anyone & they do unfortunately.
just remember in future always use a condom.
if you are unsure about the partner ask them to get a STD check.
all iformation,leaflets & STD checks can be found at you'r local walk in centers & you'r GPs.
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