A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have a boyfriend for 4 months now. I have been talking to this other guy who is 18. I like the boy who is 18 but I also like my boyfriend. My problem is my boyfriend is very committed more than I am. The 18 year old is very funny and nice, we talk every night on messenger the conversations are never boring. But with my boyfriend it is kinda boring. We aren't sexually active per say he fingers and eats me in turns I give him heads.All in all I want to know if I should tell my boyfriend about the 18 year old I don't want to because he would be heart broken. What should I do????Please be truthful in the nicest way Thank you, Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your responses... well i am currently still with the boyfriend and still talk to the 18 year old. My boyfriend and he wants to have sex really bad!!!! so we tried but he isn't the smallest down there the pain was too bad so i stopped him. He only got his head in and now he is pressuring me to go all the way.
What should i do???
A
female
reader, Blod +, writes (17 August 2010):
 If you're sure that you're not into your current boyfriend, then break it off with him. But like the others said, make sure you're kind to him. He's done nothing wrong so don't drop him insensitively - don't tell him he's boring! As for this other guy, I don't think you should jump into a relationship with him. Do what's right for you. If you feel it's want you want then fair enough. But being single means less responsibility, meaning more fun! You're still very young and being in a relationship shouldn't be a top priority for you. You shouldn't feel tied to anyone at your age. Whatever you choose, make sure you're happy and don't rush into any commitments.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 If you want to break up with your current boyfriend, you should. Don't tell him that you're speaking to an 18 year old and that your boyfriend is boring. YIKES!
Tell him that you feel the need to be on your own and that you two should break up. Tell him that you have the desire to see other people, and that it isn't his fault that you don't want to be in a relationship with him.
I will say this though - people can portray themselves any way they want to on IM/internet. Some people who are extremely interesting come across as boring on the internet, and likewise someone who is boring in real life can make themselves sound completely interesting online.
The bottom line is - it's not your boyfriend who is boring, or you wouldn't have made him your boyfriend in the first place. YOU have lost interest, plain and simple. It's like if someone offers you supper after you've already eaten - it doesn't matter if it's your favorite food, you've already eaten and are not interested.
You're getting emotional needs met by this 18 year old online guy, so when affection is offered by your boyfriend, you're no longer hungry for his affection. You should gently break it off with him as gently as possible. I have a feeling that after getting to know the real 18 year old behind the IM, your current boyfriend won't seem so boring after awhile. :)
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A
female
reader, BeSimplyTrue +, writes (17 August 2010):
 First of all, I think it is important not to make life decisions based on whether they will break someone else's heart or not. It may sound harsh, but you really need to do what is best for you. Please don't stay in a relationship in order to be "nice" to someone. It is ultimately not doing either of you any kindness to do that.
If you don't want to be with a boyfriend (or a friend, for that matter) any longer, don't waste their time and give them false comfort by pretending to still be invested in the relationship. You should be compassionate in a breakup situation, but don't be selfless.
That said, is there more to your boyfriend than the sexual elements? Do you EVER have fun conversations anymore? Do you do fun activities together (other than sexual ones)? Why did you get together with him in the first place? Are there things left in the relationship that are fun, sweet, and exciting? Basically, is there reason to stay with your boyfriend?
If not, then I think the right thing to do is (as kindly as possible) break up with him and allow him to be free to find another girlfriend someday, one who will be as interested in him as he is in her. I don't think it is wise to tell him about the 18 year old and how interesting and fun he is, though.
ALSO (this is really important) I also don't think it is wise to leave one guy in order to get with another guy. Really honestly assess your current relationship purely on its own terms, decide if you should keep it or end it, and if you end it spend a few weeks on your own (just being with friends, doing fun hobbies, whatever), and THEN assess whether you want to see if you can have a new relationship with the 18 year old. It is important not to jump from one relationship immediately into another because things can get really complicated socially and with your own emotions. Give yourself space to breathe.
I hope this helps. I am not beating around the bush, but I hope it was nice. I am telling you what I would've wanted someone to tell me when I was 17.
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