A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my wife and I have been married for 2 years now, and have been together for 4 years total. When we met we were both virgins and lost our virginity to each other. At least that is what I have always thought as she told me she was a virgin. Recently I found out she may or may not have had sex with an old boyfriend. She told me he tried to have sex with her but he couldn't get it in her all the way as the pain was too much to take. When I asked her how far he went in she told me it was only about halfway, maybe less and she made him take it out as she did not want to lose her virginity to him and it hurt to much anyways. I told her that's considered losing it and he was her first not me, but she says otherwise and is convinced I was really her first.Either way its no big deal, but she is now curious as to who really got her virginity, as am i now.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): She knew you were a virgin and she lied so you would feel good about the relationship. When will women ever learn that all lies about their sexual past are temporary and the day the truth comes out they are in a world of trouble. The negative response they get when telling the truth is nothing to what is waiting for them when their lies are discovered. Now they entered a serious relationship with a lie, can no longer be trusted and either burry their head in shame if they are decent enough or they have the nerve to tell us it was never any of our business anyway to know what happened in their past. Let's face it, if we know from the very beginning what our girl was up to she has a clean slate if we accepted her as a gf or wife and we have absolutely no right to ever bring it up to make her feel bad. BTW, the hymen is located in the first quarter or inch of the vagina and most vaginas are 4 to five inches long in a non arroused state. I assume you have not felt any resistance when you entered her for the first time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): my wife and i attempted sex while we dated. i penetrated her half way in her vagina up to her hymen.we broke up , she gave it " her virginity " to some other guy, that she had full sexual penetration with that busted her hymen.
i can not look at it that i had sex with my wife first, because i did not. i just entered part way and removed.
we attempted, but they did it.
so i can't say i was her first. neither can the guy that entered your wife.you was her first to give her full penetration,to give her sex, love making. the other guy just entered part way and removed like i did.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2012): Straight answer: she lost her virginity to her ex.
And That is the long and short of it.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2012): Why is it okay to lie and risk giving someone an STI in these situations?
Does everyone think a sexual act has to be enjoyed and fondly remembered for a disease to be caught from it?
This is not a minor thing. The OP's girlfriend told a little white lie might that might have left the OP with a disease. Some STIs are incurable and many are not even testable. Did she get herself tested at all before sleeping with the OP? Even once?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): It doesn't matter who lost their virginity to who really, all that matters is that you two are happy together and have a healthy relationship in every way. People have different views on what losing virginity is, I tend to class losing virginity as full sexual intercourse for the first time, not just penetration of part penetration. If I was you I would be looking at it from the point of view that you was the first person she had full intercourse with, she loves you therefore she lost her virginity to you. And I'm sure she would prefer to think of it that way too.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 July 2012):
 Physically and theoretically, she lost it to her ex.
Mentally and emotionally, she lost it to you.
Either way, I don't even see the point in debating it between you. It's not like it is something that can be changed or that actually ALTERS the intimacy between you two.
People absolutely put too much "value" on virginity, specially for women.
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A
female
reader, Auntie5 +, writes (4 July 2012):
I love Cerberus's analogy!
Virginity is as much a psychological concept as it is physical. Your girlfriend's first time was with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): Yeah she lost it to him in my opinion. Penetration is loss of virginity to me, but seeing as virginity is only a bullshit concept and is purely subjective then you're both right.
I mean if you take a bite of pizza and then spit it out, can you really say you've eaten pizza?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor, and am not medically trained in any way.
Based on a quick Google Image Search for "Hymen", and looking at one image in particular (I'm not sure if it'd be allowed to post a link to it or not - could a mod could confirm if this would be allowed or not?!), I'd say that she probably did lose her virginity to the old boyfriend.
But, then, there is perhaps a psychological aspect to loosing your virginity, and so perhaps she feels that you were really her first, even if you really weren't medically speaking.
I can't think of a way you could medically find out (i.e.: doctors assessment).
Hope this helps, if only somewhat.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): Technically? Some would argue that it was him.
But in the emotional and practical sense I think it was you. I would not say he knows what it's like to "have sex" with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): Unfortunately, whether she considers this to be sex or not, by legal definition it's penetration and counts as loosing her virginity.
Maybe she feels guilty, or that the encounter was so disappointing that it was not what she thought sex either would or should be. Whatever her reasoning, you two need to sit down and seriously talk about this because you both have differing viewpoints and if YOU consider her to not be a virgin upon your first time and if it trully offends you that she wasn't... then you are gonna have to consider things.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012):
Technically, does it matter? She was intimate with someone else and that is beyond dispute. However, she considers you her first and I wouldn't fight that assertion if I were you. Imagine, for instance, that she had been raped as a teen. Would the rapist be her first or you? It's sort of up to her to decide what rules she wants to live by, isn't it? She may have been penetrated, but to her it was abortive and maybe it was. Be happy with that and move on. There is no reason for that discussion to continue between you.
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