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female
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anonymous
writes: Traditionally, I have always believed that in a relationship where children are involved; be it children from outside the relationship or not, your partner/ spouse comes first and the child second to the unity of the “adult” relationship further, what's best for the two adults in the relationship is best for the child. Assume you’re dealing with responsible adults and everything else being equal isn't that the way it "theoretically" should be? Don't we raise our kids to grow up to be independent, move out and lead productive lives for themselves. The spouse will still be there when the children are gone and some people contend that NO the child must always come first. Are we to accept playing second fiddle to Jr. for an average of 20 yrs?? Please help, any suggestions welcome! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ne'cee +, writes (25 October 2006):
 Im not saying that you should put off your happiness but know what ever happens with the man, those will be your kids for the rest of your life and nothing or no one can change that.
A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (25 October 2006):
 What you're saying has a lot of merit. I feel like a parents happiness should come first, though the child's welfare is a close priority. Some people feel that being a parent that you should sacrifice your happiness for you child's. To me this is ubsurd because people seem to forget that before you were a parent that your were human and human's have needs and desires. One of these desires is to be with a sexual partner or spouse intimately. Now to give that up would make for a very disgruntle parent and sometimes resentment for that child. I am one to support self happiness first. Though a child needs love and support. You have to learn how to balance the two.
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