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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have a huge problem. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and he even had gone through stages where he broke up with me and wanted to have sex with another woman. He did not do it and we worked it out. We have had many ups and downs, one of which he is an alcoholic ( not recovering) he drinks 5-12 beers a day, he smokes and is a diabetic. I love him so much but more and more its getting hard to deal with his drinking , smoking and gambling, plus he is pregiduce against many races and calls them very derogitory names wich he knows I dont like at all. We have been through alot together, and have had many good times. However, I went on a cruise recently with my aunt and my parents. My aunt had brought a man with her that she has known for a long time.He had just gotten back from Iraq and needed some time to get away from it all. Him and I hit it off right away and found we have a ton in common. Well I had told him I was involved with somone but he kept telling me how beautiful I was and we had so much fun just talking and found out how much we had in common was ALOT. He treated me so wonderfully and then it happened. He leaned over to me and kissed me! I pulled away and told him no I cant, but he wore me down and he kissed me several times during the rest of the cruise. I kept telling him I cant do this, but each time he wore me down. I then felt so guilty!!! I did however find myself starting to have some feelings for this man. There was NO SEX at all, but I felt so guilty with him kissing me. Well I got home and told my boyfriend about the wonderful time we all had. My boyfriend knew about this man coming on the cruise, as him and I never hid anything from each other, but he out of the blue asked me if the man I met through my aunt had kissed me and I couldnt lie to him. I told him that yes he kissed me several times even though I told him I couldnt do this to my boyfriend. He went balistic and told me that I cheated on him, he told me we were through and told me to go be with this man. I am so upset and confused, because I love my boyfriend, but also have feelings for this man whom I feel like I have known for longer then the wonderful week we had on the cruise. My boyfriend has many issues and we have quite a differance in our ages. He is 52 and I am 36. The man on the cruise in his 40's and is so passonate about everything in his life and we have so much in common. I am so confussed and angry at myself for hurting my boyfriend. I have NEVER done anything like this before and so out of character for me. This man lives far away from me, not anywhere near each other and my boyfriend lives in the same town as me. I need some advice please help me. I am so depressed what should I do??????????
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alcoholic, broke up, cheated on my boyfriend, depressed, gambling, kissing, sex with another, smokes Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): You are concerned about a man who treated you nice and with respect...because an alcoholic racist who wants to have sex with other women and is too old for you is possessive of you because of his own insecurities?????
What do you want in a mate....write down the characteristics of your ideal mate and start dating men who fit into that model and dump this guy.
A
male
reader, jack23 +, writes (24 October 2006):
 You need to ask yourself the rocking chair question! Years from now when you are an old lady, sat in a rocking chair looking back on your life, what do you think would make you make you happiest knowing you had done?
To me is sounds like your boyfriend does not appriciate you, and is showing no signs of trying to improve his degrading situation, as he has got too comfortable. Like most people would prob say 'I would leave your boyfriend and try and get a better life'. But ultimatly its your decission and depends on how you feel.
What truly make you believe that you love your boyfriend, because it may just be the illusion on the man that he once used to be. I would suggest sitting down and just trying to think of what makes you think this way, and how you would feel further down the line if you let this other gentleman walk away.
You sound like a good and honest person, and shouldnt be so hard on yourself for what has happened, that main thing is that you have been honest. And if the possiblity of you going with another man has pushed you boyfriend to change his ways, and he has suggested you go off with him, then there can not be much love for you on his side.
I really hope this advice helps, I would like to know how things go, good luck :)
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