A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am having to choose between two men and its killing me inside, i was with one for a year, we got engaged after a week, we have both had a lot happen, his mum died, then my dad but before his mum died i found out he had been texting his ex over a period of months, a little part of me died that day, i started checking up on him and it was horrible, but he insists nothing was going on so i had to forgive him, then after wanting to marry me he then said he would never live in my area and i care for my mum and son so i knew i could never leave the area, he knew this too, added to that we have not been out once for a meal, etc and i didnt get a valentine card on our first one, but yet he is a kind quiet loving man. He started only seeing me 2 to 3 times a week and i spent so much time on my own, weekends too. I ended my relationship with him but he was devestated and tried to commit suicide. After i ended our relationship, i responded to a very old friend and if im honest lover in the past when we met at a party i had, i invited him as a friend but it was such a good feeling to see him, i was on a high all night. i gave my fiance a chance to come up with an answer as to how we can be together but he came up with more excuses so i did finally give the other my number and we had four wonderful dates but he has falling in love with me and if im honest i love everything about him but i was still getting such heart felt pleas from my fiance that i couldnt cope with the guilt so i ended it with the other one to give my fiance one more chance, what a mess as now the other is devestated but still texting and calling and wants to be with me so much. I know i have to end it completely with one but even though i feel i would be more suited to the other who is 16years older than me, i also feel so much for my fiance that i dont want to break his heart. It is making me so ill feeling in this much turmoil, i cant eat and have lost nearly a stone in three weeks. I just dont know what to do. My fiance now spent the last four days with me, he knows im not saying i love him lately but when he tells me i can tell he does, the other wants everything i want in life and we gel so well, does anyone have anything to say to help me, i know most say follow your heart but i have a heart for both, i dont want to destroy either, the other man knows i was engaged but not happy, he now knows the situation im in and its killing him. My fiance does not know i have another man on my mind but i would hate to hurt him even more, i want to end it but frightened ill buckle and especially if he trys to commit suicide again, im in such a mess inside im probably not worthy of either
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): Don't confuse your old residual feelings of love and care for your ex with true love. Of course you still care for him and his well-being. Just because you care about him, doesn't mean you have to be with him. I think you should be with your new man. I think staying with your ex is just going back for more pain and a slower ending. I think you should be on your own before you get back with your ex. You can not be with someone because of choices they make if you are not with them. You should be with someone because you can not bare to live without them.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 Hi I agree with "iAmHereToHelpYou". You need a break from both men to decide who you really love and want to be with.
Remember you are contemplating a serious relationship and cannot afford to have regret about the wrong choice. You need to be with the person that you love and know in your heart its right.
Dont compromise and settle for the wrong man as you will regret it.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (13 May 2013):
 Hi
You have the chance to be happy with a good man and your letting your Ex fiancée ruin your life and control you.
Do you want to live a relaxed and happy life, to grow old with a good man - or do you want some idiot Ex fiancée to ruin that chance ?
The clock is ticking and before you know it you will be 60 and alone.
IF - after spending 4 days with this useless ex, your 'good' man still wants you, grab him with both hands and move forward.
This is not a Mills&Boon story its real life.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 You write: "...he insists nothing was going on so i had to forgive him...." WHY did you "have to" forgive him??????
This ex- of your's sounds like a real drama-idiot... and I can't imagine why you'd spend another minute of your time and mental energy thinking about him.....
In addition.... I also would suggest that you are giving 'way too much attention and energy to ANY such "committment/relationship" that you seem to crave. That's not healthy.... Take IHTHY's advice and back off from men and relationships for a while... and see just who you are when you have your feet on the ground, and are breathing adequate air..... Six months isn't too long to make sure that if/when you next choose to spend time with a man, you are doing it for all the right reasons - for YOUR right reasons!!!!!!
Good luck....
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