A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 34 year old woman recently separated from my husband aged 37. We have 3 children together and we have been married for 14 years. We love each other but he has cheated on me several times so I kicked him out. Everytime I have caught him he breaks up with the girl or denies it completely. At times when we had no food in the house I have found checks to hotels and to the accounts of women he was seeing. He is perfect in every other way except ofcourse the cheating. He left kicking and screaming and begging. But just to get him out I gave him hope that maybe in future there might be a chance I might forgive him. I still get 2am calls from him asking to come back. We remain good friends and he continues to support me financially although its a struggle and he visits every day. We occasionally go for coffee etc. but we live apart. When we separated I told him he was free to see other women since he already does without my permission anyway and we no longer have sex since he moved out. He seems to be really trying to fix things but I have seen this before and believed it, only to be let down again. We are not very well off financially and making ends meet is often a struggle. During our separation, I met the most wonderful man on line and we talk several times everyday. He lives in another country. He is a lonely 60 year old man and he came to visit me recently. We did not sleep together but he is madly in love with me and he has been saying he wants to get married to me and take me and my children to live with him in his country in Europe. I have googled him and done some research and discovered he is a millionaire worth about $50million. He doesn't know I know this. He has one adult child my age who he is not close to and he thinks I will be the perfect mother of his child so he can get the chance to be a good father. He grew up with step brothers and sisters and his ex girlfriend who he broke up with about a year ago and who is about 70 years old also had her own children (stifle those laughs people!) so he doesn't mind mine at all. He really makes me feel good and knows what I went through with my husband and he has promised me that he will give me a good life and be faithful to me. He doesn't talk about his wealth but you can obviously see it in his lifestyle. I am not madly in love with him but I like him very much and think maybe I can grow to love him. He knows this and insists he will win me over. At the moment I am thinking that choosing him basically secures my children's futures as they will probably be able to go to any college of their choice. I still love my husband but he has betrayed me so many times I can't trust him. He makes me angry and I have been on antidepressants and still on sleeping tablets because of him. So my question is, who should I choose? My husband who I love but has lied and cheated or this wonderful guy who I have only known for a few months but he is promising me the world?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): Hi. I speak from experience when i say that `knowing` someone online for a few months doesnt amount to a hill of beans, so dont be too quick to pack up and move. If you dont love him either that is another problem. Money isnt everything. If you kids are semi settled and see their dad every day and hes helping you finacially, you might be better off staying as you are for the time being. You dont want to jump from the frying pan into the fire. Millionaires didnt get that way by being dumb. Millionaires dont meet women online and want to marry them within after 2 months. They are protective of their money and wont be risking it on strangers....which is what you are really. Id view him with a healthy dose of suspicion and sit tight for a while x
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 January 2010):
 why do you have to chose, why not decide to be on your own while you sort your life out and finish raising your kids?
Not having a man doesnt make you any less a woman.
What if this 60 drops dead of a heart attack tomorrow, it can happen to millionaires you know, what of your kids education then?? Are you expecting him to set them up before you move in with him?
If you do decide to go down the old man road, get some sort of financial agreement in place before you pack up your home and your kids and move anywhere, even to the next suburb and pay a decent lawyer to check it over, oh, and pay for that yourself
............
I am really concerned you are looking at this man through rose coloured glasses and expecting him to wave a fairy wand and make all the bad stuff go away .......... real life isnt like that ..........
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