A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help. Which guy do I choose ? Hi long story so I will try to make it short. I have been seeing this guy from another state and he drives up to see me on the weekends . It has only been 3 weeks of seeing each other but we can't keep our hands off each other. We laugh and joke and I do have a good time with him he brings out the fun side in me and I hate to say it but the sex is the best I have ever had. The problem comes is that before we slept together I was sort of talking with another guy and he is a great guy we went to school together he is a just good old fashion guy with good morals. His wife just left him and I feel bad for him he asked me if I would hang out as friends and I said sure. But the way he talked it sounded like he was thinking more on terms of a date. He asked me what I looked for in a guy exc exc . Well I told him I would get something to eat with him but that was before me and the other guy started sleeping together and now I feel like a complete whore ! I don't know what to do I like them both for diffrent reasons they both like me. The guy who's wife just left him we have a lot in common but I hate to say I'm not very attracted to him. What do I do ? I don't want to hurt his feelings. Should I meet with him once just to see if I like him ? Or should I just break it off now because I'm having a good time with the hottest guy I ever dated ? I know I probably sound like a trriable person but I just want to do the right thing its eating me up with guilt Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): My opinion on this one is that I'm OK with serial dating, but once things get intimate then the idea of seeing more than one person at a time becomes sleazy. In this case the guy who you've known for a while, whose wife left him, has what you describe as more traditional values. I suspect that if he knew you were seeing & sleeping with someone, and began actively dating him as well, he wouldn't view that in a very favorable light.
Honestly, from the way you described everything I'm going to suggest you keep your longtime friend from school as just a friend. You don't find him attractive, the other guy is more interesting & brings out your fun side, the sex is awesome, and there's a high risk that your friend is on the rebound anyway. It's probably for the best to not even try a relationship with him.
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 If you're not attracted to the old school friend, then that pretty much rules him out - at least for now. I would just carry on seeing him as a friend and see if any feelings towards him spring up. As for the other guy - what is he looking for? Does he want a relationship or no strings sex? You need to get a clear answer from him before you consider dating him because if you want more than he does you wil be disappointed. If he is prepared for a relationship then again, carry on as you are and see if any feelings arise. However, if you find he has feelings for you and you don't share those feelings, then stop sleeping with him as that would be unfair to him.
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A
female
reader, Stevie-Leigh +, writes (7 February 2012):
First of all you are not a whore.
How was you to know this was going to happen? After all you can't predict the future.
Personally if I was in your shoes I would keep your options open aslong as your not in a relationship with the second guy what's it matter? Your not cheating your single, your doing nothing wrong, however if you feel a lot for the second guy I'd probably drop it in to the first guy, you could meet up like he wanted to go for a drink & maybe a meal as friends sit him down & explain that your kind of interested in someone else that it isn't offical yet but you like him a lot & your thinking of giving it ago, explain that you would love to remain friends with him and that you value him as a friend but you don't want anything more than friendship. If he's a decent guy like you said he is he'll understand your situation and accept the friendship.
Good luck & I hope that's helped you out a little bit.
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A
male
reader, Ayan Ganguly  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 In the first place,sit back and relax..you need relaxation 'coz you sound so stressed out.Ask yourself what you want in your MAN and who sort of meets up most of the criteria...it might end up in a close tie and thats when your heart will come to play...and you get to know who it should be...BUT PRIMARILY DON'T PANIC..JUST RELAX THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IN THE MATTERS OF THE HEART
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): It's raining men by you ;-)
You sound very excited about the out of state guy, who is making you laugh and you have a good time. Sure, it's early days yet, 3 weeks, but you're having a blast so why should it end? You want to spend time with him, you are attracted to him, and see where that goes...
The guy whose wife just left him - he needs time to heal, to get over the split, in fact, to get officially divorced if that is where it's headed. He asked you to hang out as friends, however, he shows he is interested in more. You however, are not attracted to him, but you like his good morals. Don't let your fear of hurting his feelings get you into something complicated.
Perhaps right now you will be a better friend to him, than a rebound girlfriend or friend with benefits. Rather tell him how you feel for him that his wife left him, that you will be there for him when he needs to talk, etc. and give him the space to get over his wife.
If you have already slept with him, then share how you've been thinking and realise it's wrong because it's too soon after his break up, that your feelings of wanting to help him clouded your judgement, and that you rather want to be his friend only because you will be more effective. That way you also don't have to say you're not attracted to him, which right now may be an additional blow after his wife left him. Then either be honest immediately saying you have met someone who is single and available, or else wait for an appropriate time in the near future when you can share that without hurting his feelings some more.
I hope this helps :)
Wishing you happiness with your choice.
xxxx E
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A
male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Hi,
You don't sound terrible at all. It does sound to me like you've made your choice already though. Both sound like great guys, but the interstate guy sounds like he makes you happier.
If you and the guy you went to school with hang out as friends then I don't see a problem, but if he asks you out, or if it feels too much like he's getting interested in being more than friends, then just say what you've told us here. You think he's a really great guy, but you're not interested at the moment.
Go with who makes you happiest and who you can see yourself with in the long run :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): If you're not attracted to this guy you went to school with, don't waste your time, or his. If he's a good guy and you have a lot in common, then why not just be friends? If there's no attraction then I doubt it'll ever work.
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