A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help. I have been offered some Au Pair jobs, but i'm not sure which family to work for...I'll tell you about the ones i have heard back from. Some of the families haven't wrote back with all the details yet...One of the families is American/Danish/Israeli. They live in London and have three children ( girls ). I'm quite concerned about it being three children as i know that can be a lot to take on, but since they are girls, there's a chance that they could be well behaved and easy to look after. The family also want me to help the girls with homework, which i'm quite worried about, incase they expect me to help them with subjects that i'm not good at. They also want me to make dinner, but i'm not a very good cook, and they want me to fold the clothes and do some ironing, which might not be a problem. They also want me to start by 21st of this month, but i am going on holiday from 3rd-6th December. I told them about that, and they said i could take those days off, as long as i can start for them by the 21st, but the thing is, i would need more time off than that as i dont live near London, so i'd have to travel back here , as my flight will be here, so that would mean travelling back and to to london three times, which would be expensive, and i'm still saving for my holiday and i need to buy some more clothes to take on holiday with me.So i'm not sure what to do...Another family is from Spain.They are Spanish. They have a two year old girl, and they want me to teach her English, which could be good as she would be learning from a very young age, which would be better than her learning it when she is older, i think, because when children are older, it can be harder to teach them the language because they are so used to their own language. Again, the family want me to cook, but they said i only have to do that if i like it, and i have to mop, make the beds, iron, and empty the dishwasher. I think i just worry about not doing the housework upto the families standards, as i know everyone is different, and i'm worried about making a mistake. This family has also been asking me some questions that i'm worried about answering. They asked if i have been an au pair before, and i have, but unfortunately, my last experience didnt go well because i had trouble communicating with the family because we didnt know each others languages, and i got upset because the children misbehaved sometimes. I want to be honest with this family, but i worry that they might not hire me because of that. But yet i know that a lot of au pairs have had bad experiences with some families, and then better experiences with others, and the same goes for the familes. What i like about this family though is that they have hosted a lot of au pairs in their home, so they will know how to treat an au pair. the last family had never had an au pair before. this family and their friends also know a lot of english, so it would be easy for us to communicate.i find it really difficult to pick up spanish though. my family would also be concerned about me doing this again, i think, because they knew i was upset last time, but i'd like to give it another try. This family wants someone to start this month, but i'm not sure if they could wait a while longer, until i am available.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 The trial is a good idea to "break ice ", of course you can explain them right away that you can't afford to fly back and forth from Spain twice, and I am sure they will be available to work out something, at least meet you half way financially. Otherwise, you could still go after your holiday if they accept to wait for you.
It sounds like this time the working conditions and environment are more favourable to you, and you should make it without problems. Just keep that emotivity of yours in check , otherwise when you'll have kids of your own you'll be in tears all day :), children can seriously test anybody's nerves.
Good luck !
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): And also, when i say i got upset, i dont mean that i shouted at the kids ( i wouldnt do that ), i meant i cried. But, to be honest, it wasnt really just because of the children. It was because i had found it difficult communicating with the family because of the language barrier and i felt a bit like i was being taken advantage of. I know everyone is different , but, if it had been my parents, and me and my brother were still kids, they would tell us sternly that we have to behave when someone is looking after us ( not that they ever had to, as me and my brother were always well behaved pretty much. We were very rarely naughty ).Whereas the parents of that family didnt tell them to behave ( as far as i am aware ).
I think it could be worth another try, and i hope that it would turn out better this time. The family has also said that they want me to be honest about whether or not i feel comfortable with them housework, and with speaking to them in English. They already know a lot of English anyway ( Well, i know the adults do ), so that wouldnt be a problem this time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): Ok, here is an update...the spanish family want me to go over and do a two week trial with them this month, before i go on holiday to Norway at the beginning of December. Then, if we are all happy, they want me to go back after i have been to Norway and do a three month trial with them, and possibly stay for one-two years in total. I think doing the two week trial this month could be a good idea, as we can see if we are suitable for each other, but i'm worried that i wont be able to afford to fly to Spain twice . I still have to save up for Norway a bit. I would feel rude asking, but i thought maybe i could ask her if she could pay for this flight, or pay half of it, and then i could pay for the flight in December ?. She said she would prefer it if i could go this month first for two weeks, but it would be fine if i can only go in December. I'm also worried about what my family might think, as they want me to save up for Norway as much as i can, but on the other hand, they could feel comfortable knowing about the two week trial. We are also going to talk to each other on the phone soon.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 November 2010):
OP, I understand what you mean, but take my advice : thread carefully. I'll tell you a secret : basically, all mothers think their kids are always right, whether they show it or not.
I have always been rather stern with my son, yet I know I would not have tolerated an Au Pair talking to him harshly, or God forbid yelling at him. I have been very lucky with my au pairs ( we still keep in touch with the last one now that my "baby " is...21 ) but also because they were sensible girls and were able to just discreetly roll their eyes in front of his occasional tantrums.Not that he was a pest, he was a good kid, but, again, ALL children misbehave at some point and you must be able to take it in stride.
As for the references, I think that if you can provide good references from other families or employers in general, it should be fine.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): Ok, about the housework, my dad verbally and sometimes physically abused me because i didnt do houseowkr to his standards, so thats why i am worried about that. Thank god, i dont live with him anymore. It wasnt that long ago when i stopped living with him. Second, i am intelligent, and of course i am educated to G.C.S.E level. I even have a college qualification in performing arts !!. I am very good at English language and literature, but terrible at Maths and Science, for example. And, i got upset last time because i felt like the family were treating me like a slave !.They didnt even really need an au pair because the housekeeper was there in the mornings and afternoons,so she could have taken them to school and picked them up, which she did when i wasnt there, and the mother was home in the afternoon, just after the kids finished school, so she could have taken them to their after school activities, which i think she did while i wasnt there.and the kids already learned English in English classes.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (3 November 2010):
 So let me get this straight:
1. You get upset when children misbehave (which ALL children do because this is the nature of children)
2. You cannot cook
3. You only want children that are easy to look after
4. You are not comfortable doing housework as you worry about other people's standards
5. You struggle to pick up foreign languages
6. You are not proficient in basic school subjects to the level of a child (depends on age, i.e GCSE's, SATS etc)
Sorry but why on earth do you think you are suited to being an Au Pair? By the sounds of things you are would only be happy being an Au Pair to a family where they have 1 English child that is incredibly well behaved, and you dont have to do any of the house work or cleaning. So basically you just want to sit with 1 child and watch them, and occasionally have to speak to the child.
The whole point of an Au Pair is that they are someone who can temporarily become a member of that family, like an older sister to the child/children they are looking after. The whole point of you being there is so you are live-in childcare and household help. If you dont like doing any of this then you are not at all suited to this job!
I cant recommend either of these families as you dont sound capable of doing either job I'm afraid and it would just be another bad experience for you.
If you are really serious about being an au pair (which you wont be able to do for much longer as the age limit in most countries is 30) then you are going to have to take a few courses to get yourself up to speed. I would suggest:
1. A basic cookery course
2. Basic maths, English and science classes
3. A childcare course and maybe a child psychology course
4. Read up online on tips on how to do housework
5. Learn another one or two languages
You have to realise that housework, while it is done to everyone's own tastes, is generally the same wherever you go and if the host family is not happy with the way you do something, they will tell you. Or get them to write you a list of the housework they want you to do, and ask if there is a particular way they like it to be done. They wont bite - they are humans as well and would prefer you ask a question if you are unsure of something.
As for children - regardless of the number of children you are caring for, they will ALL misbehave at some time. Some kids are worse than others, but all children will be naughty and difficult at times. This is just part of them growing up and the whole point of being an au pair is that you know how to look after children, and this includes dealing with them well when they are a pain. This means you CANNOT get upset just because a child misbehaves, no child is perfect and wont be a little angel 24/7, so you have to learn how to handle children at their worst.
Cooking - easy to learn if you just practice. Buy some cookery books, watch cooking TV shows, print out recipes from the web and follow their step by step guide. Everyone can cook and can easily learn to cook, it really is not hard.
The children's homework - you really should have qualifications from when you were at school therefore you should be able to help them in ALL subjects. And if there is a question you dont know the answer to, then you go online with the child and research it, or go with the child to the library to get a book out etc. If you have no qualifications and feel you have no grasp of school level English, Maths and Science then I suggest you get these qualifications, either through an online learning course or college. Even reading the children's text books from school helps - it refreshes your memory and you can even work through some of the exercises to remind yourself of how to do it.
But seriously, you have at best 4 more years (providing you are 26) of being an Au Pair left. And with your lack of ability at this role, I suggest you dont waste any more time or money on a job that is not at all suited to you and cannot be a long term career choice. I suggest you look at other jobs that would be better suited to you and go out and work towards getting a new job in a new career.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): Thanks for your reply, Cindy. I actually prefer the Spanish family myself .I agree with everything you said. Regarding children misbehaving, i dont mind that, as long as the mother can sort of help out and be supportive when that happens, since, after all, it is her child. Whereas, the mother in the other family wasn't very helpful in that way. She seemed like the kind of person who thought her kids were always right, you know ?. I am also worried that she might ask if i can get a reference from the other family, which obviously, i wouldnt be able to, but maybe another reference would do ?.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 November 2010):
Personally I root for the Spaniards.
In general - in general, I repeat !- Spanish people are laid back , easy going, corteous and not terribly obsessed with punctuality and rules. Plus, it's only one girl.
While the other family has three kids, which is a LOT of work, and don't think that girls are necessarily easier than boys, that's a myth. Plus the travel arrangements sound really complicated.
Keep in mind anyway that if you get easily upset when children misbehave, then you just should not be an Au Pair,period. Children do misbehave occasionally, wherever they are from.And the first requirement for an AuPair is that she is patient and even-tempered.
As for the language barrier, well, isn't that exactly the point of working abroad, or working with a foreign family ? The language exchange ? ...
In reference to your last place of employement, be honest , say it did not work,but do not enter into too many details. Do not start a blame feast, my fault-their fault. Some times it's just a wrong match in personalities and expectations.
Whatever you choose, good luck, and keep us posted !
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