A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was dating this guy for 1.5 yrs.He was caring, sexy, respectful, educated. The problem was that he was against commited relationships. He assured me that he wasn't dating anyone else and he wasn't interested in doing so. But he couldn't call me his girlfriend. He also had emmotional issues, mainly in regards to expressing himself.My daughter and I would spend days at a time at his house. When ever he and I got really close emotionally he would shut down the next day. Sadly a close member of his family died a long and painful death and he watched the whole thing. We got closer at that time but shortly after they died he and I just stopped seeing each other. Over the next 4years he's called and texted. He even remembers my B-day. I've always remembered if it as a case of him just not being that into me but if that's the case then why keep me around so long, why call and text ever so often.Since then I've fallen in love with someone else. To be honest he doesn't have as much going for him as the first guy. He loves me and my daughter and he and I now have a child together. He tells me how he feels, how much he loves me, misses me, wants me. He has no problem expressing himself. However when he's angry he gets really angry. He speaks to me in a way that the first guy never would. Unfortunately he suffered a lot in this ecconomic climate. He was no longer able to handle our houshold and I ended up being the one to keep us afloat. Over time I guess it ate away at his manhood. He ended up cheating on me with his other childs mother. Apparently it was a random but somewhat ongoing occurance. I didn't know it at the time. He and I broke up cuz I just coudn't take his bull anymore. After I was gone for a few months he began to pursue me again.I knew that we had a lot to work on and I told him when needed a clean slate in order to make things work. That's when he came clean. We've already worked out a way for us to deal with the other women since we can't just drop her from our lives. He knows all the hoops that he'll have to jump through in order to regain my trust and he's willing. He is now living back in his home state and plans on coming home in a few months to be back with me and the kids. Now the first guy just came back to town for a visit and asked if he could come and see me. He came over and we just talked and got caught up with eachothers lives. But he kept touching me, gently. He even laid down on my lap. He wasn't vulger or anything, real gentle like before but i could feel the vibes. He came over the next night and we talked some more and he told me that he missed me and was happy to see me again after 4 years. We ended up kissing and that's all, although we both wanted more to happen. I don't know if he wants me back or not. and if he does I don't know which man to choose from. I'm madly in love with guy #2 but he cheated and can be an ass. At a time I was in love with guy #1 but he would never let me in. Why after 4 years does guy#1 still contact me and why did he come over to see me. Any advice would be great
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010): This is to Brunel. I am the one that posted this question. I appreciate you taking the time out to reply. But just so you know, I couldn't possibly write everything and I tried to make it as blut as possible without writting needless information. My first child I got pregnant with when I was 17 while on birth control. I waited 7 years to purposely get pregnant with a man that I was deeply in love with. I am a college graduate and I have my shit together. Oh and just so you know getting "shagged" isn't a main priority for me. Both men waited a long time for sex with guy #2 waiting a whole 2years before we had sex. I was well over guy #1 before I got involved with guy #2. I guess after being cheated on by guy #2 and then seeing that I'm still on the mind of guy #1 after 4years made me a little vulnerable. I understand that you aren't here to be nice but you really need to watch how judgemental you are considering that you only read 2 paragraphs of my adult life. As for my children they are both healthy they have all of there needs met. My youngest is excelling just fine considering that he's only a baby and my first born excells both academically and socially. I live for my children there are my world but is it too much to ask that I can have something for me. I'm quite sure that if I read only 2 paragraphs of your life I could be just as nasty and judgemental as you.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 If you have no other choice and must choose only these two man , I think I would choose the emotionally closed one.
Give him a chance because 4 years has passed and he may have changed.
Perhaps , he heard that you are now available and that's why he would not want to miss this golden opportunity.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 May 2010):
I'm going to be honest with you here and say that you shouldn't be with either of these men. Guy 1 is too closed for you, and Guy 2 is a cheating SOB. Why settle for either of these men, both of whom offer you nothing. You won't ever be happy with either man. One will always be closed. The other will mos likely cheat again and will always be an ass. you'd do better to spend your time alone, get over both men and move on. Don't waste time on either man or you'll never be happy. Neither man is right. At all.
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (8 May 2010):
I did not come on here to be nice. I cannot believe the mess your life is in (that is not helpful) but you have at least 2 kids with two fathers and now you want another guy in your life?
Is it not time that you grew up and sorted out your and your kids priorities. Getting shagged does not seem one of the more important?
What on earth do you want you must dig inside yourself and see - b/f's and menfriends can wait?
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