A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:To go or not to go? that is the question. The guy i like lives 8 hours away, its apparently a rule that the guy should come see u, we havent met yet and i AM DYING TO SEE HIM. He cant afford it though and nor can i. my friend told us to talk and that same friend is going to VA with her fam for some wedding that hes gonna b at, and she invited me to come along for the ride and to see him ofcourse, i told him about it and he was super excited and thought it was a great plan (free for both of us) until my friends mom found out that we were talking (i hav a problem with this, i dont want her thinking im going for a guy, ive got more pride than that) so i told him i cant go, he convinced me to still come. My other friend called last nite and said if uve got any self respect dont go! (and on his birthday night..well bday was officially over i told him im not coming.) For the main reason that im a girl, hes a guy, he should do watever it takes to see me (come closer to me) why am i going to his hometown (sure its a free ride, sure im going with a friend) but idk im being stubborn. Anywho, after tellin me how he was bummed, a few mins later he says, i dont really feel like talking, just not feelin it right now. Was it because it was his birthday? was it b/c i left him a voicemail saying happy birthday cant wait to see u this yr, and then later that night going oh btw im not seein u? I feel awful. Should I ask him? call him? i said sorry for anything i did to upset u via text and he didnt reply. Should I call him, see whats up, or should I just let it go? I dont want him thinking Im that into him (b/c it is that initial stage and I want the mystery to still b there) I also wanna know what is up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys! i really really wanna see him and do wanna go!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): No offense please, but it is rather immature thinking that since he is the male, he should come to see you and make every effort and you should just sit while he plans his life around you. relationships all of kinda are fifty fifty and compromising. A good compromise would be for you two to meet half way and have your fun in a new place until you both have abit more money, but if you have a free ride, then what is the point in NOt going just because he "needs to be the one to come see you." It's a shame to live a sexist world like that, where the guy must make the first move, open all the doors, pay for everything, make all the effort, admit he's wrong, be the one to say "i love you" first.. and we women make the excuse that we go through child birth.. well I just did that a few weeks ago and it REALLY wasn't that bad. We should be doing just as much as men.. we begged for our women's rights and went through hell to get them but now we sit and say the men should be doing everything.. Well I don't agree.
He's probably upset because you said you were going to see him and now you're dipping out on him when you rally don't have a good reason at all. I think you should go since you are able. Stop being stubborn as you said you are being, and make the guy happy again .. and have a good trip.
~Sy.
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A
male
reader, jj. +, writes (24 July 2009):
i would say the best policy is honesty...your doing what is right for you..dont compromise your morals for one nite of fun in bed..stick to your guns..if its just a harmless1st time visit then visit if you have the ride..say hi and talk and get to see him and then move along ...your right if he wants he can get to visit you where you live..then he can do it..but be true to you..and your higher power..God etc...things will work out for you,i have a great feeling you will be fine..take care.
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