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female
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anonymous
writes: my boyfriend is on the borderline of being possessive. I know its partly because he's putting in so much that he's got a lot to loose, but how do you know if someone crosses the line to being obsessive and controlling? and if they cross over, is it forgivable if they are willing to change? i need some tips to avoid getting hurt. thx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (31 March 2006):
 It is hard to say without detail but I think that if you begin to feel scared of him, intimidated by him, afraid to tell him very basic things like catching up with an old friend for coffee etc or things became abusive either physically or verbally, then things are really not good.
I think partly you have to go with your gut on this one, if you think it seems like he is acting too possessively, he probably is. Your own instinct is pretty good in these types of situation.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (30 March 2006):
 Ok I would need more specifics about what he is doing to say whether in my view he was being possesseive and controlling. Personally I would think things like, not letting you out on your own, prohibiting you having opposite sex friends, any form of direct dictation on things that are clearly your descisions as being possessive and controlling.
However, this is one of those things where there are no hard and set, right and wrong, answers. If you feel he is being this way then you need to talk to him about it and, while acknowledgeing he has alot to lose, define some boundries within the relationship. If you leave it to fester it may undermine the relationship badly. Hope that helps.
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