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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a 35 year old mother of three and have been seeing a guy for the past ten months, we never argued i got on great with his family. A few days ago he said we werer on different paths and we should end it.I am crushed it was such a shock.Now he isnt sure he made the right descision and wants to talk but i am scared of further rejection yet i am hurting deeply at the way i have been treated.Should i meet up with him to talk?....
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2006): I am going to say 'no'. Do not meet up with him. Let this go and get through the pain of loss. When a man dumps a woman for no apparent reason (different paths??) he becomes a painful liability to her. Taking him back will always keep you wondering. You really have to realize how special you are and you truely deserve to give yourself a chance to find a man who commits to you-loves you, wants only you, build a loving relationship with only you. I'd hold out for the best. I have been in your position and I'd made the deciosn to go it solo, than to have someone who is "not sure" is "iffy". (Too much pride? perhaps. But it's helped me distinquish the losers from the great guys) Please think with clear thought and rationale. When a man cherishes and loves a woman, he'll move mountains to be with her...he'll do anything not to lose her. So why did your bf do this? A couple reasons. Like Dazzerg, said he may be committment-phobic, so I say-he's a huge risk. I know..I know...love is a risk but why set yourself up for further pain, when you clearly know, what this guy is capable of? He brought pain and self-doubts into your life- does he really deserve a second chance? Or, maybe he wanted to date another woman and things did not work between them, so rather than wait out his lonely, lost feelings and moving forward-he's wants back in your life. Just discern his character by his actions, not by what he tells you, hun. Either way, I can't think of any good, solid reason for being dumped so heartlessly.
If you think my advice is 'too harsh' and you meet with him then all I can say, is proceed with caution. If you take him back, gain a firm footing in this relationship. You have a voice and you have some rights to be treated with respect. So any reconciliation will be on your terms..you can't allow yourself to be that vulnerable again. Be strong and tell him, what you expect from rather than waiting for him to define the relationship. I think you would be very, very wise to consider what his motivation is before accepting his invitation to reunite. It will be so important for him to clarify why he he dumped you in the first place. Different paths is not a good answer. Insist on concise, clear clarification. I think a serious talk about his intentions and your desires are in order. He has broken your trust and that will take time to repair. What does he intend to do to repair that? Make him work for you--you are worth it. Without that conversation I think it is hard to know if he is just taking advantage of you or if he is interested in a meaningful relationship. Whatever you decide to do, hun...think of you, be smart and be careful. Be careful.
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (8 February 2006):
 HI, well my thinking on this is that he just got cold feet, your relationship was going well and he got scared, no more no less than that, he had visions of the two of you growing old together in slippers with parker knoll chairs and mugs of cocoa and he panicked thinking he was just not up for this.
What he did not do was talk over his fears with you, maybe you dont want to settle down, maybe you do and he had picked up this vibe.
you need to give him another shot but make sure you call the shots, sit him down and tell him that you understand his fears and see what he has to say.
It is worth it as you both seem to have got on well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2006): I think that you should meet him and see what he has to say for himself but always bare in mind your kinds are the most important thing so dont rush into anything.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (8 February 2006):
 I wonder what happended to cause this. Were you talking about making more commitment? Without knowing the full facts it does seem a bit out the blue but something has obviously happened that has confused him. Even if you weren't talking about more commitment than maybe he was thinking about it and putting pessure on himself has confused him.
Does he have anything in his past that would make him commitment phobic? Was he behaving oddly in any way prior to dumping you? I think there is definatly something unspoken going on on his side of things here. I know how he has been has not been particulalry fair on you but if he has offered to talk and you are interested in saving the relationship it might be worth while meeting him because he maybe ready to open up.
Depending on what arises you will hopefully be able to tackle it together and work through it. Even if you cant then knowing his reasoning might help you get bettet closure. Hope that helps.
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